Thankful Thursday: Being Taught How To Respond To A Passive or An Aggressive Husband

It's Thankful Thursday! Please go to Lynn's site, "Spiritually Unequal Marriage" to read more thankful posts and to participate! Thanks so much, Lynn, for hosting this month!

The Lord seeks to encourage us, if we can only have eyes to see it!  On Tuesday,with the thought in my mind of blessing another, I went to a birthday celebration to honor Betsy, a Titus 2 woman who was very instrumental in my spiritual growth as a wife about 10 years ago, and who helped me cement in my heart many of the Biblical ideas you find written and espoused here.  I "sat at her feet" soaking up her wisdom every Wednesday for two years as she led and taught a Ladies Group, where women and their young daughters could hear such sage advice as, "Don't try to be your husband's Holy Spirit!" and about what it means to love your husbands and love your children.  She has taught younger women and girls for many, many years! This past Tuesday we were together because a dear friend, Lisa, thought of the idea of bringing together women who have attended her Ladies Group over the years to celebrate her birthday and share with her the ways she's blessed us.

Betsy, being the feisty, but exceedingly humble woman that she is, wouldn't allow us to spend the whole night focused on her, and insisted on us coming and sitting down so she could teach us!  God is trying to encourage us, if we'll only have eyes to see!  I pictured God musing to Himself, "Let's see, how can I get Wendy over to Betsy's to hear this information?  She really needs this!"  The material Betsy shared with us was from the book, "On The Other Side of the Garden" by Virginia Ruth Fugate.  The group has been studying along and are all the way up to page 160, but she backtracked a page or two, and shared with us how a wife should respond and act when her husband is a "Passive Husband" or an "Aggressive Husband".  She said that he may act one way sometimes and another way at another time, not falling perfectly into one category.  I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me as she read in her southern Georgia drawl.  It was such a delightful evening of fellowshipping with women I haven't seen for a long time, and being encouraged in how to be a more Godly wife.  We never "arrive" or learn this stuff completely!  I will be learning until the Lord returns or He takes me home!  I'm grateful to God for blessing me that evening and reminding me how He's brought people into my life to teach me just when I needed it.

Here are quotes from "On the Other Side of the Garden" on how a wife should respond with a Passive or an Aggressive Husband (I recommend you get this book. Ordering information is provided on their website: www.rfugate.org):

Passive:
"If your husband specifically asks you to do something, do it immediately.  When a passive husband asks for something, even if it is just a timid hint, that is his leadership.  Do not insist that he issues a direct order before you will act on what you already know he wants you to do.  Be ready to please and willing to follow even his indirect attempts at leadership."

"It is imperative for a passive husband to have a wife who does not debate or critique his every decision.  Treating his timid decisions as if he might be making some terrible mistake will only defeat your goal of encouraging his leadership.  If you must ask questions about his decision in order to clarify what is expected of you, do so with a respectful attitude and make sure he knows you are willing to follow."

Aggressive:
"Most likely you are not the reason your husband has developed an intimidating personality, but be prepared to consider that your actions might compound a problem that already exists.  Have you been argumentative, debated his every decision, rejected his leadership, or been unappreciative of what he has done well?  Have you challenged his manhood in some way? Be willing to make changes in yourself if necessary."

"Very often a man's aggressiveness is an act of self-protection.  Such a man is usually unable to trust that other people do not intend to cause him emotional harm.  Therefore, it is important for a wife to earn her husband's trust by showing him that his best interest is the reason for all that she says or does.  A wife who gets in the habit of verbal attacks, snide remarks, or cutting put-downs, will never gain her husband's trust.  Difficult as it is to pet a porcupine, you can get one to roll over and allow you to stroke its stomach after you have gained its trust.  Although it is very difficult to hold your tongue while another person is verbally attacking you, it can be done.  If a wife wishes to help her aggressive husband she must refrain from becoming aggressive herself."