A Wife's Tongue Speaks No Evil

There's a malady amongst women.  We seem to want to speak badly about our husbands.  Do we want sympathy?  Will we feel less frustrated if we spout off to a friend about how badly we're treated?


Maybe we think we're funny when we tell a story about him, that puts him in a bad light, even in front of him, maybe at a party or a gathering. You remember--you wanted people to think you were funny.  So you told that hilarious story...again.  The one you tell so well.  He doesn't mind.  And it is funny.  It gets better every time.  Everyone was in hysterics!  Yes, you were the life of the party.  Did you notice he didn't laugh?  Did you notice how quiet he was on the ride home?


Maybe we want our children to think Mom is "smart" when we point out to the children that Daddy isn't always right--makes silly mistakes, even kind of dumb decisions.  Mom is the one to ask--she'll know.  Daddy doesn't know anything.  Mom will get you what you want.  She's the one in charge--she can make him come around.


Do you see he doesn't stand as tall as he used to?  Kind of hangs his head.  Did you notice he feels like giving up without trying?  Did you hear him sighing?  Did you notice he doesn't smile as much anymore and the twinkle's gone out of his eye?  That he speaks kind of rough sometimes?  And doesn't tackle those projects around the house?  Funny, when he's with the guys he seems happy enough, but he doesn't seem to be very attentive, or listen like he used to. Says, "Whatever" and "What does it matter what I think?"  Are you glad or sad that he doesn't seem to be as affectionate these days?


Beware if your husband works in an office with appreciative women.  They may not even be pretty.  But, if they appreciate him--look at him with respect--he may be vulnerable.


Maybe you don't do it very often, though, and never around him.  All your friends tell funny stories about their husbands.  It's harmless girl talk.  Nobody's hurt by it.


Really?  Would you want him to say something to his friends that put you in a bad light, maybe something personal?  Would you want him to stand around telling his buddies stupid things you've done and have them all laugh at your expense?


Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.  Matthew 7:12


Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Philippians 4:8


If we are to think on things of good report, we must never put another person in the position of thinking evil or badly of our husbands.  We want our husbands and others to think well of us and speak well of us, so that is what we must do to them.  We must never speak evil or give a bad report of our husbands.

Words, part 3 --Guest Post by Kelsey

Wisdom from a hundred years ago...

“A holy man used to say when he returned home from a night of table-talk that he would never accept such an invitation again, so remorseful did such nights always leave him; so impossible did he find it for him to hold his peace, and to speak only at the right moment, and only in the right way.

And, without his holiness, I have often had his remorse, and so, I am quite sure, have many of you. There is no table we sit at very long that we do not more or less ruin either to ourselves or to someone else. We either talk too much, and thus weary and disgust people; or they weary and disgust us. We start ill-considered, unwise, untimeous topics. We blurt out our rude minds in rude words. We push aside our neighbour's opinion, as if both he and his opinion were worthless, and we thrust forward our own as if wisdom would die with us.

We do not put ourselves into our neighbour's place. We have no imagination in conversation, and no humility, and no love. We lay down the law, and we instruct people who could buy us in one end of the market and sell us in the other if they thought us worth the trouble.

It is easy to say grace; it is easy to eat and drink in moderation and with decorum and refinement; but it is our tongue that so ensnares us. For some men to command their tongue; to bridle, and guide, and moderate, and make just the right use of their tongue, is a conquest in religion, and in morals, and in good manners, that not one in a thousand of us has yet made over ourselves.

[But Christ was such a one.]

And much as I would have liked to see how He acted in everything, especially would I have watched Him how he guided, and steered, and changed, and moderated, and sweetened the talk of the table.” –Alexander Whyte

(I love the droll way he wrote that, and how applicable it is even now, many years later.  Enjoy these next quotes from Mrs. Elliot, who is a very precious and wise lady.)
 

From Elisabeth Elliot:

“Rather late in my life, I've been trying to learn the importance of silence. I've been trying to discipline myself to simply stand or sit before the Lord in silence, without saying anything to Him. Placing myself in His presence.

 It's not an easy thing to do, but it's worth a try. Instead of rushing into your daily devotional time by talking to God, it might be a good idea to practice spending the first few minutes silently. Saying nothing, thinking nothing except, Lord, here I am in Your presence. Speak to me.

This is one of the hymns that I use in my own devotional life; I use it as a prayer:

Speak, Lord, in the stillness,
While I wait on Thee;
Hush'd my heart to listen,
In expectancy.

Speak, O blessed Master,
In this quiet hour;
Let me see Thy face, Lord,
Feel Thy touch of pow'r.

Begin with silence. Put yourself in His presence. Realize His omnipresence. He is here with you in this room.

Ask for grace to serve and worship acceptably. 'Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my Redeemer.' Psalm 19:14

And then, read a portion of Scripture, perhaps a Psalm, perhaps a chapter in the Gospels. Try to put yourself in the place of the psalmist or in the story if it's from the Gospels. Ask yourself, 'What do I learn about God? The Holy Spirit? Jesus? Is there here a command to be obeyed, a sin to be confessed? Is there some cheer here for me or for others who need it?' Read and pray. Pray and read.”

Another quote from Mrs. Elliot:

“It is always easier to add to the noise of the world than to be silent. Silence is a very precious thing—‘There was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour’ (Rev. 8:1), when the seventh seal was opened in the Book of the Revelation. Thunder and horses and martyrs and earthquakes had preceded the opening of this seal. Hail, fire, blood, and fearful judgment followed it--but in between, angels stood in the presence of God and there was utter silence.

      Have we learned to stand in God's presence, mouths shut, hearts open? 'Lord, what do you want me to do?' We must be quiet in order to know Him and to hear Him and to hear Him answer us.

      ‘If any of you lack wisdom let him ask his friends.’ No. That is not the Word of the Lord. ‘If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God’ (James 1:5) is His Word to us. There is a place for asking wisdom of godly friends, but let us always go first to God."

May the Lord help us each to guard our tongues and use them for good!  (I'll pray for you if you pray for me:)
-Kelsey :o)
(Go back to read Words, Part 1 and Words, Part 2.)

Words, part 2--Guest Post by Kelsey

About Gossip, Tearing Down, Slander, and Backbiting:

James 3:7-12  “For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh."

Our words affect other people.

Prov. 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”

Are We Salt Water:

Psalm 50:19-20 “thou givest thy mouth to evil”

Romans 3:13 “their throat is an open sepelchre”

Or Fresh Water?:

Prov. 12:18 “the tongue of the wise is health”

Prov. 15:4 “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life”

Prov. 31:26 “She openeth her mouth with wisdom”

Prov. 15:1 “A soft answer”

“Kind words produce their own image in men's souls; and a beautiful image it is. They soothe and quiet and comfort the hearer. They shame him out of his sour, morose, unkind feelings. We have not yet begun to use kind words in such abundance as they ought to be used.”–Blaise Pascal

Refrain [to stop, quit, cease or leave] and Shun [to stand aloof, keep away, avoid]

1 Peter 3:10 “he that will love life”

2 Tim. 2:16 “shun profane and vain babblings”

Don’t be deceitful, be sincere.  Psalm 55:21;
Ezekiel 33:31 "And they come unto thee as the people cometh, and they sit before thee as my people, and they hear thy words, but they will not do them: for with their mouth they shew much love, but their heart goeth after their covetousness."

Don’t try to justify yourself, it will only make things worse.  Job 9:20;

Prov. 21:23 “whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue...”

Our words also affect our reputation as followers of Christ:

Psalm 39:1-2

1 Tim. 4:12  “let no man despise thy youth, but be thou an example”

Matt. 5:13-16 “let your light so shine”

How do we as humans respond to the presence of God?  
With silence.

Zech. 2:13 “be silent, O all flesh, before the Lord”

Job 40:1-5 “I will lay mine hand upon my mouth”

Isaiah 6:1-5 “I am a man of unclean lips”

Psalm 46:10 “be still and know that I am God...”

A friend and I were talking about this verse the other day, and she commented that usually when we come to God in prayer, we have 10 million things we want to say to God.  Some of them might be really wonderful, but we should just stop for a minute, and think.  We are coming before the Almighty God, the Ruler of the Universe, the Wonderful Counselor.  Shouldn’t we want to hear what He has to say to us??  Of course, the Lord is our Father and Friend too, and He does want us to talk to Him, but shouldn’t it seriously excite us that we can listen to GOD?  What an amazing and humbling privilege!

Psalm 144:3 “Lord, what is man?”

But there are times when we shouldn’t be silent.

There is a season for everything:  Ecclesiastes 3:1-7

Here are some examples of times NOT to be silent:

 -When we need to stand up for what God says is right, such as against abortion or homosexuality.
-Prov. 30:11

-Psalm 107:8,15,21,31:  "Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!"

-2 Timothy 4:2

-Heb. 13:3

-Lev. 19:17

Part 3 coming next week!  Thanks for reading!
-Kelsey :o)

Words, part 1--Guest Post by Kelsey

Hi all, this is Kelsey (Wendy's daughter) again!  This is part of a lesson from the girls' Bible study I led last year.  (Part 2 coming next week)  I hope you are as challenged/inspired by it as I was while compiling it. :)  Note:  The only reason I didn't type out all of each Bible verse was because of space.  During the study we would take turns and read all the verses aloud.  Please do look them up, if you have a chance.  There is nothing that can compare to the Word of God, "for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness." (2Tim.3:16)   

The wisdom of being silent

“Think before you speak” is a commonly known phrase.  Even the world knows that it is a good idea to think before you speak, or, as the saying goes,

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

More importantly, the Bible also speaks many times about the wisdom of keeping our mouth shut.   

Proverbs 12:16:  "A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame."

Being silent enables us to:

-think!

-listen to others or to God

[“Good listening involves:

1. Letting the other person speak without interruption.

2. Giving the other person your undivided attention.

3. Making sure you really understand what the other person is saying or thinking.” (Wayne Mack)]

-avoid foolishness

-avoid saying anything we will regret

“The true test of a man’s spirituality is not his ability to speak, as we are apt to think, but rather his ability to bridle his tongue.”—Kent Hughes

What the Bible says:

James 3:1-6  “For in many things we offend all.  If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.”

“Keep thy tongue”  Ps. 34:13

Prov. 12:23 “A prudent man concealeth knowledge”

Prov. 15:2 “The wise useth knowledge aright”

Prov. 14:3 “In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride”

Psalm 49:3 “my mouth shall speak wisdom”

Controlling the tongue is a sign of a true Christian

James 1:26 “bridleth not his tongue”

  

Galatians 5:22-23 (The Fruit of the Spirit):  Do we demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit with our words?  Even the words that seem small, insignificant or unworthy of thought?

“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. ” (Matthew 12:36-37)

We cannot control our tongue on our own.  Ask God to help you guard your tongue:  Ps. 141:3 “set a watch, O Lord”

Our words vs. God’s words:  Ps. 12:2-4, 6

Ask God to give you His words:  Isaiah 50:4, 7

“The man who lives right, and is right, has more power in his silence than another has by his words.”—Phillip Brooks

Stay tuned for Pt 2 next week!
-Kelsey :o)

Thanks for sharing, Kels.  I always enjoy when Kelsey posts.  The Lord really used the Scripture she quoted to convict me. Have you ever wished you had kept your mouth shut?