Families Are Too Crazy Busy!

And speaking of busyness...
After yesterday's post entitled, "Slow Down This Summer," you're really going to think I've gotten up on my soapbox today.  But, I do think families are way too busy these days.  Don't you agree?


Lest you think I'm advocating slothfulness, please read this (one of my earlier posts), entitled "Work is Not a 4-letter Word."  I really don't think it's good old-fashioned work which is keeping most families too busy these days.  No, it's ...well:
Programs.  Lessons.  Appointments.
Friends.  Practices.  Part-time Jobs.
Games.  Errands.  Parties and Plays.
To name a few.


"Ode to The Busy Family"
(We Have Too Many Choices,
Though Some Should Be No-brainers):
Wrestling, Racquetball, Gymnastics and Ballet
Basketball, Baseball, Softball, and Pair-Skating?
Football,  Soccer, Volleyball and Hockey,
I haven't listed half the sports, and yet there's way too many!


Swimming, Diving, Track and Field, and Tennis,
It's impossible to list them all, I'm sure that I will miss.
Judo, Karate, dare I mention Yoga, too:
Is there really nothing that the Christian Homeschooler won't do?


If one instrument is good, then three must be better!
Clarinet, Trumpet, Flute and Alto Sax,
Banjo, Mandolin, Guitar, and Ukelele!
Piano, Violin, Cello, Bass and French Horn
Don't forget the drums--you can drive your mom crazy!


I'm writing this to the Homeschooling Mom, but it starts way earlier than school-age!  You set your children up to expect a certain rhythm in life from a very young age.


Do you feel like you're spending your life behind the wheel of your vehicle?  Or maybe getting in and out of it!  Does your baby or toddler usually nap in his/her carseat?  Do the drive-through employees at your favorite fast-food restaurant greet you like an old friend and call you by name?  Do you wonder why they call it Homeschooling? As a Homeschool mom, have you mastered the art of "School on the Road"?  Are you tired of it all yet?


Beware:

• Of commitments to more than one night a week for children up until junior high and even after that.
• Of commitments which are individual and split your family up, making you, your husband, and your children all go in different directions.
• Of anything that keeps you from sitting down together for supper.

You don't need it.  The family is being destroyed.  By good things.  Say "No."  Make Hard Choices.


Now, what will you do with all that TIME you'll now have at Home Together?!


Helpful Hints
Learn skills:  Build something, repair, make or refinish.
Paint, upkeep your home, design and put in Landscaping

Work Together as a Family

Hobbies that Create Something Useful:
Cooking, Sewing, Knitting, and Crocheting
Making Greeting Cards, Handwork and Gardening


Games That Involve, or can be played by, all ages (And/or Teach):
Mini golf, Croquet, Badminton, Bowling


Board Games that Involve, or can be played by, all ages:
Monopoly, Game of Life, Parcheesi, Uno, Sorry, Chutes and Ladders, Yahtzee


Trend Games:
Matching game
States and Capitals


Outside Group Games:
Bocce Ball, Flashlight Tag


Activities:
Biking, Walking


Say "No" to a lot of "good things" and get to know your family again.  Get to know your Lord again.  Find out what He wants your family to be doing.  Don't sacrifice the "best" on the altar of "good."

P.S.  Rereading my post this morning, I realize that it is incomplete, in the sense that I included not a word from The Word.  Also, to some of you, it may sound terribly out of touch, and "anti-sports"--well, I am pretty much against sports, especially team sports, as I think they've robbed families and not given them very much back.  But, I do see a need for less "ranting" on my part, and more "real instruction," so I will try to give a more Biblical answer to this issue some time in the near future.

Timely Tips on Tuesday: Child-Training (Part 4) "That's Too Hard Work (Do I Hafta?)!"

(This is Part 4 in a continuing series on Child-Training.  Click on "Ten Things" in the sidebar under Topics to go and read the other posts.)
In my list of "Ten Things to Focus On", that I, as an older woman who's raised her children to adulthood, would share with a young mom who wants to raise Godly children, number eight is:

8) Train your children to work hard and serve.  Do not be afraid that you might be working your children too hard. You'll notice that they love to work when they’re very small.  Give them jobs to do. Let them help you. Have them by your side.  Yes, you can do it faster and better without them, but that’s not the point.  It's your job to train them to be Godly! Work is one aspect of life as a Christian. Jesus Christ came to serve, not to be served. As a family, serve others together. As a benefit to you in the future, you'll have trained a workforce, and you’ll be glad you did. The more children you have, the more work that will get done, and the greater service you will do. (Make it your goal to train them well in the work of the home, and become the manager of the workforce.)


Train their hearts to work, not only their bodies. The Lord examines the heart. He cares about our motives. Discipline the attitude, and you won't have to discipline the action. Though, at times, it may not feel like we are serving the Lord, we must look past the person and task, to see Him.  "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 24 Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24 (KJV)  "Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might." Ecclesiastes 9:10 (KJV)


As they get older, and when they complain, and they will—ignore their complaints, or follow the Biblical injunction, “He that will not work, shall not eat.” This is especially effective with teenage boys who have hollow legs.  Paul says, in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 (KJV), "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."  If they won't work, or have dilly-dallied, they get no supper until they're done. (Explaining this rule before it has to be applied is helpful, but not essential.) They won't starve. The growling noise in their stomachs will encourage a change in their attitudes. Oh, and they don't get breakfast either until the job is done. It's a good idea to have Dad lay down the law on this, because we moms tend to wimp out and our attitude of, "Oh, my poor baby", shows on our faces. I only remember having to do this one or two times. When a child sees that you mean business, they don't try this again--it's not worth it.
 
In my husband's family, as I've noted before, the character quality of being a hard worker was almost as "genetic" as the color of your eyes.  Because their last name was Gunn, they were all expected to be hard workers.  Known for it.  And that was that.  We fell into line. (That's a lot of good peer pressure, or should I say, "relative pressure", that shouldn't go to waste!)  We raised our children to think that they'd better work hard and be known for it, or they'd bring "disgrace" to the family name. Actually, we put it in the positive.  A common verse I quoted to them was, "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold." Proverbs 22:1 We showed them that there was another family Name to think of, more importantly. They would either bring praise or disgrace to their Heavenly Father's Name, which they bore, by how they worked. Now, please don't get me wrong, our children are not perfect, and did their fair share of complaining. And shirking. And doing poor, and incomplete jobs. Just as we, their parents, have in our lifetimes. But, it didn't get them very far. I remember one notable example, when one of my children was told to wash the large kitchen floor, a task they had performed many times, and knew how to do well. Their flesh persuaded them that it was too hard, too tiresome and didn't need to be done well, and they listened. This child, old enough to know better, skipped over the step of sweeping the floor first, and went straight to washing! Needless to say, they might as well have skipped the whole job! For some reason, I lost perspective for a moment, and though I told them to do the job over again, and right this time, the devil tried to persuade me to feel sorry for them. We were having dinner with friends that night, and I was feeling like a mean mama. I still can hear and see our friends' laughter at my wishy-washyness, and remember their support of the "harsh" treatment.  Fortunately, in this case, my husband's firm resolve balanced my jello backbone with strength, and other times, when he was tempted to be soft, I was firm.



Eventually, with perseverance in prayer and training, our children have each developed a good work ethic.  For some reason, this was the quality which seemed to make the most impact on our unsaved neighbors and relatives, who commented on it frequently. It opened up doors for us and our children to talk about spiritual things with them and to share Christ. We worked together as a family and our children worked hard. Jerry always worked with Dane on outside projects, large and small. Though we just took working hard for granted, and eventually, so did our children, it takes intentionality, and effort, to raise children this way.  I wasn’t raised this way: to do work heartily, and cheerfully, as unto the Lord. This has made it more difficult for me in my Christian life to obey and to serve, and I have found this discipline hard at times. It has tempted me to be too "soft" on my children, and slothful myself. 
 
As Christians, we are commanded to work heartily, cheerfully and to do it for the Lord. So, we must train our children's hearts and attitudes. This character quality will open doors of opportunity for them later in life, help them live successful and fruitful lives, and give them a good name. It will be a big help to you as a mom, when your children are trained to work hard and with a good attitude. And, most importantly, it will help them to obey the Word of God, and to be like Christ, Who was a Servant, and bring praise, and not disgrace, to the Name of Christ.

"Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread." 2 Thessalonians 3:12
"For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." 2 Thessalonians 3:10
"And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you" 1 Thessalonians 4:11
"Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work." 1 Timothy 5:10
"He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster." Proverbs 18:9
"The desire of the slothful killeth him; for his hands refuse to labour." Proverbs 21:25
(All Scripture taken from the King James Version.)

Recommended word studies in the Bible: "slothful" vs. "diligent".

Saving Money and Time, Part 1

Today we are beginning a series on Saving Money.  However, I will also be including other related tips, as well.

1. Write the person’s name (Birthdays/Anniversaries) at the top of the day of their event on your calendar.

2. To save money: Buy greeting cards at thrift stores, or buy boxed cards, or make them, or use note cards and write your own sentiment or poem on the inside.

3. To save time and gas, plan all errands/running around on one day of the week.

4. Whenever possible, do two or more things at once: e.g. while riding in the car do handwork or write letters or do planning; while the family is listening to a read-aloud-book, girls can do handwork/knit/crochet or do artwork/drawing; while watching a video, have the washing machine going or sort laundry; while listening to an audio book on cassette for school, do baking/cooking/cleaning in the same area.

5. Have a “Gift Shelf” in your closet: when things are on sale, buy them for future gift-giving (baby items--both “boy” and “girl”), for showers, graduations (books, etc.), misc. small items for hostess gifts, frames/small photo albums, glass serving dishes (at outlets), etc.

6. When you buy a person’s birthday gift, also buy their Christmas gift (or vice versa). This spreads gift-buying out over the whole year instead of all at once in December; it makes gift-buying easier, because you’re already thinking of the person’s likes, and you can buy items that will go together (the shirt for birthday, the tie for Christmas; the plate for birthday, the matching cups or bowl for Christmas)

7. To save money and give something “special,” make your Christmas gifts, but start in January (you can work on them while reading or riding in the car).

8. Buy Christmas and other wrapping paper/bags when on sale (e.g. order from the Current catalog): Have a Gift-wrap center in a closet, or on a shelf, if you don’t have a special organizer, on which you keep gift-wrap/bags, tape and scissors, as well as ribbon and bows, etc.

9. Have a box or desk drawer designated for greeting cards (sorted by occasion); keep a supply of note cards on hand for thank you, thinking of you, praying for you or get well occasions; have stamps and return-address stickers in an envelope or nearby in a desk drawer or another box.

10. Put an X by the person’s name on your calendar when you have sent the card/gift or thank you.

At the Well: Housekeeping Helps

Come, gather at the well today!

     Today "At the Well," (click on the link above to participate and read) we're discussing the woes of Housekeeping!  When I read that title, I immediately groaned and became depressed! Housekeeping, though, is not going away in this lifetime, and we all have to do it...So, let's put this subject in a more pleasant perspective!
 
Let's remember:

1. Housekeeping is Temporary, not Eternal!
2. Housekeeping is due to the curse--Even We Will Return to Dust!
3. Housekeeping is an opportunity to serve our Lord and our family.
4. Housekeeping is God's training ground of our character and it's All About Attitude.
5. Housekeeping is an opportunity for God to train our children through us: a) We need to train them by our attitude towards housework and b) We need to Train them in the skills to do it.
6. Housekeeping is more difficult because we are Blessed with (too) many Belongings.
7. Housekeeping is more difficult because we have bad attitudes.
8. Let's Be Thankful for the riches God has given us: People to clean up after, and Things to put into place (and take care of and use for His glory).
9. Let's Be Thankful for the body He has given us to do the work (and if we are able to do any work, let's thank Him for every bit we can do)!
10. Let's Be a Good Steward of the Time and Possessions that God has given us, remembering that everything we have is really God's, and we will be called upon to give an account: a) By Learning ways to do the work we have to do more quickly and efficiently; b) By Using the things we have, or giving/selling them to someone else who will (or throwing them); c) By Taking care of the things we have so they will last longer.

Resources to Help Us Get a Handle on Housekeeping:
(under Home Organization below)
"Sidetracked Home Executives/From Pigpen to Paradise" by Pam Young and Peggy Jones (This book actually changed my life.  Pam and Peggy, the SLOB sisters, showed me a way that it was Possible for Me, someone who's not "born organized," to have a clean and organized home and life and still be me and be happy. They encourage you with their own examples and stories, because they're actually worse than you are, or they were until they came up with this system. And they are so funny, you'll "laugh til the tears are rolling down your cheeks"--I promise.)
"Get Your Act Together: A 7-Day Get-Organized Program For The Overworked, Overbooked, and Overwhelmed" by Pam Young and Peggy Jones (Written by the same sisters who co-authored "Sidetracked Home Executives."  Please read the reviews on Amazon for this book--you'll definitely buy this book if you do!  I hope it will change your life as it has others!)
"Speed Cleaning" by Jeff Campbell (This is a great, compact "how-to" book to teach exactly how to clean your house in what order and what way--FAST! I learned how to clean my bathroom in about 15 minutes from this book.)
"Is There Life After Housework?" by Don Aslett (Known for his humorous and helpful look at this timeless topic, he tells you how to clean everything in your house. Also includes spot and stain removal tips.)
"Do I Dust or Vacuum First?" by Don Aslett (All of Aslett's books and videos are funny and informative, and I recommend having these as resources on your bookshelf.)
"Houseworks: Cut the Clutter, Speed Your Cleaning and Calm Chaos" by Cynthia Townley Ewer (This author's "Christmas Organized" forms and tips have helped me tremendously, so based on that I include her book here on organizing the Housekeeping area of your life, but if the reviews online are any indication, you'll be buying one for yourself and your daughter! Great shower/wedding gift idea!)
"The New Messies Manual: The Procrastinator's Guide to Good Housekeeping" by Sandra Felton (This is the new, updated version--My sister-in-law absolutely loved this book and couldn't stop talking about it! It gave her such hope! It will you, too!)
"Streamlining Your Life: A 5-point Plan for Uncomplicated Living" by Stephanie Culp
(Culp, a time management expert, gives ideas on how to declutter and simplify and the motivation to do it.  Examples of timewasters, how to eliminate them, and why. A no-nonsense approach and if you follow her advice, you'll be so glad you did!)

More Hours in my Day

     Would you like more hours in your day? Well, that's what I'm going to talk about before this day is over, which is shortly. I've decided not to blog on Sunday.  Now, I don't want any of you to feel that I impose this on you in any way.  It's just something I've decided to do.  It's going to be hard, actually--I've become a little "addicted."  That's part of why I'm doing it, but it's not really the reason.  You see, Saturdays I'm going to try to do a Book Review for you.  There are so very many really excellent books that I've been introduced to, and that I would like you to get to know.  I was praying about what to post on today.  Some of my family is sick, and my schedule was rearranged today, so I "took the day off," so to speak, with regard to writing on my blog.  But I was asking the Lord if I should still write a little something.  And what.  I thought I was going to write about another book, which is on Biblical submission to your husbands, in light of yesterday's post.  But, as I went looking on the bookshelf for that book, I saw "More Hours in my Day" by Emilie Barnes, and I've been wanting to tell you about it for awhile, so, after praying over it some more, I decided that today I would do it.
     But I will have to do a more indepth review of it later. Because, the Lord impressed on my mind something very important.  The best and surest way to have more hours in your day, is to honor the Sabbath Day, and rest on it.  Mark 2:27-28 says, "And he (Jesus) said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath: (28) Therefore the Son of man is Lord also of the sabbath."  The sabbath was made for us! (Notice, by the way, that Jesus didn't say, "Oh, you don't have to worry about that old thing; that was Old Testament stuff.")
     This past week I was reading aloud to Kelsey during lunchtime from "How to Be a Lady--Useful Hints on the Formation of Womanly Character," (I've mentioned this great old book before--don't you just love that title?) reprinted from a book in 1850. In chapter 10 which is all about "keeping the sabbath," it says that God didn't give us the sabbath for His sake, but because He knew that it would help us.  The author says He gave it to us to benefit our bodies, but also our souls.  It is a blessing! And we should be very, very grateful to the Lord for it.
     I have found that the principle of that "walnut in the jar" comes into play here. (Please read my previous post, "What's the Most Important Thing in Your Homeschooling?" Oct. 27, 2009)  Just as giving God the first part of my day is important, so what I do with the first day of the week is very important.  But God says in His Word that it's important for ME.  If you and I are struggling to get everything done in the week, perhaps we need to look at what we're doing with our Sundays.  Not in a rigid, legalistic way at all.  Think of it as a gift!  You get to spend the day with the One you love the most of anyone, and you don't have to do any of your normal work--so exactly what is the problem, here?
     My husband has helped me with this greatly.  He came from a home in which this was lived out before him from the day he was born, and he greatly admired his parents' honor of the Lord's Day, even when, at times, it was difficult for them.  His father was a dairy farmer, who raised field crops, as well. No field work was done on Sunday, no matter what.  He milked the cows, but that was it. It didn't matter if it was a beautiful day and the only day in which to harvest the crops.  He left that to God.  On Sundays, they would attend church "religiously" (no pun intended), perhaps show hospitality to one or another family, and then they would take a nap, go visit someone in need, or just relax.  Jerry's mom, who was an absolute obsessive-compulsive about doing some work with her hands 24/7, did not do ANY handwork (no crocheting, knitting, needlework, anything) on Sunday.  So, when we got married, there were no excuses good enough to not be in church on Sunday.  And we rested from our normal work.  I'm grateful now that he was so firm, but in the beginning, it was a little hard for my undisciplined flesh.  You learn real quick, if you're smart, not to party and stay up late on Saturday nights, because you've got to get up for church pretty early.  But that's a good thing.  And he would never go into work on a Sunday, or do "projects," though he is more than a little like his mama ("the acorn didn't fall far from the tree," if you know what I mean.)  You might understand how big a deal it was that he didn't work on any projects on Sunday, if you knew that in the early days of our marriage, there were times when I was jealous of his projects.  He was always a person who, once he'd started a project, would give it 200% and every waking moment, until it was done.  But not on Sunday.  He initiated these routines, commitments, habits from the start of our marriage, and I feel very blessed that he did.  I believe that God blesses us when we honor Him.
     The author of "How to Be a Lady" suggests some ideas which he affirms to be helpful in keeping the sabbath.  I can confirm, from experience, that, at least the first one is very helpful.  Unfortunately, you won't be able to try it out until next week (unless you are already in the habit of doing it), but it is very important.  Probably the most important.  Do everything you can to get ready for Sunday, on Saturday.  He says, "Leave nothing to be done in God's time that you can do in your own time."  Get the kids all ready the night before.  Well, I mean, have their clothes all prepared.  Ironed, if necessary, layed out, and ready.  Diaper bag by the door.  Bible, notebook, purse, everything sitting by the door, ready to go.  Saturday bath night used to be common.  Look forward to Sunday.  Make Sunday worship of the Lord a pleasant ritual, something your kids will say, "they grew up with."  The first day of the week (Sunday) is the Lord's Day!  The author says, "...And, if every one were allowed to choose his own time for worshipping God, there would be no agreement.  One would be at meeting, another would be at work, and others would be seeking their pleasure.  But, in order to have every one at liberty to worship God without disturbance, he has set apart one day in seven for this purpose."  Well, everyone choosing their own time to worship has done exactly that.  I am not in favor of other service times for this very reason.  I believe that children and families NEED ritual, tradition, the same routine week after week.  There is great stability in that.  Also, if you have to think about when you're going to go every week, it's very easy to not go at all.  Things are scheduled for those times.  When you are in church at a certain time every week, and that time is sacred, non-Christian family and friends figure out that they can't invite you to do things at that time.
     Another aspect of planning ahead for resting on Sunday, is to think about what you'll be having for Sunday Dinner and do ahead any preparation you can.  (I'm convicted that I've slacked off in this department.)  My good husband frequently encourages me to have something in the crockpot so that I'm ready to invite someone home if the opportunity arises.  But the meal preparation is the least of it, isn't it?  What are the other activities which have crowded their way into Sunday?  What disorder have we in our home, and wrong priorities which would cause clothes-washing, grocery-buying, and housecleaning to take place on the day--one day in seven-- in which we are to honor, worship, think on, praise and adore our Lord...and rest.  It would take me more space than I care to devote here to list all the activities which Christians (!) participate in on the Lord's Day.  And we wonder why we're so busy and can't get caught up.  If we would have more hours in our day, and be able to fit more in, we must start at the beginning, by arranging our week with the Lord, and all that concerns Him, as the first and most important in our week. Then the other things will fit, too, or have to go, but the most important, the eternal will be there.