Feeling In Need Of Encouragement?

I'm just thinking today that there may be some of you who need encouragement.  You're feeling like a failure. You're feeling alone.  I'm not a good wife, I'm not a good mother.  I'm lousy at so many things.  Everyone else has it all together, but not me.  If I try hard enough, maybe no one will know how bad I'm doing--I can hide it. But my heart knows. My heart is condemning me. God knows how badly I'm doing.

I'm just thinking that maybe you need to know that you're not alone, and that God loves you.  I'm just thinking that maybe you need a hug, and need to know that there's hope for you, and your family.


Rest In Me

Without the love of God, without His grace, none of us could stand.  Wherever you are in the journey, God is there with you, and He's giving you another chance.  "Come," He says.  "Rest in Me.  Trust Me.  Learn from Me."  He loves you and He is your answer.

"Ten Easy Steps to Perfect Children"
Sometimes I can sound like there are "rules" that, if you follow them, will magically produce perfect children.  That's not what I'm trying to do. God has taught me some things through the raising of our children, and I see what's "working" in other families. My motives are probably good, but I don't want to ever forget to share that you are on a journey--a journey with God.  He's going to take you through a different path, creating a very unique testimony for your family, and for each of your children.  He will allow trials, testings, problems, and draw you to Himself over and over again.  Go to Him with all your fears, questions, each individual child, and each individual strength and weakness of theirs, and yours.  The "times that try men's souls" bring us to our knees--draw us deeper into His Word.

We Need You, Lord
We get to know the Lord in new and more personal ways.  There aren't any shortcuts. You have to personally dig deep in His Word.  You have to pour out your heart in prayer.  You have to repent of sin in your own heart and seek Him, and live transparently before your children.  If your heart is in a living relationship with your Lord, pursuing Him, striving to live holy lives, as you teach them humbly, that's half the battle.  You need God's grace and God's leading to raise your children, to train them in righteousness, and it takes a ton of prayer.

It's not only God working on them, though, and then they're grown up, and your work is done! Surprise.  He's working on you as a parent. He's working in your life through them, and He's never done with you, and your prayers for your children will never stop being needed.


He's More Than We Can Imagine
He is so infinitely more faithful, infinitely more loving, more full of grace and mercy, more able, than anything we ever dreamed of--bring your bruised heart and fears and doubts to Him. Ask Him what to do, today and every day, about every situation and problem--He knows, He loves, He's able to help you. Climb into His loving arms right now.  Hope in Him. It's going to be ok.

Timely Tips on Tuesday: You've Got A Friend

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

Proverbs 13:20

The list is almost complete of the "Ten Things" that I would tell a younger mom are the most important to focus on in Child-Training:
10) Finally, but definitely not least important, choose wise companions. Choose wise companions. Choose wise companions. Choose wise companions. Proverbs 13:20 says,"He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."
Do we understand how important this is? We must not just let friendships happen! We must choose who we’re going to spend time with, because we and our children will become like them. ("Companions" includes the movies we watch, the music we listen to and what we do with the majority of our time!  Am I, as a mom, an example of choosing wise, Godly music and activities?)
We must choose with which families we will walk together through life, side by side. Ask God to send the wisest, Godliest friends to cross your path. Then choose. Don’t let it happen by default. Pray that God will bring into your life those that He wants you to be companions of, for yours and their sake.  Never forget, also, that we must BE wise companions.

Choosing unwise companions, or just “letting friendships happen,” and as a result, having unwise friendships, is the #1 reason, I believe, that Godly families lose their children, or lose their good name, or parents watch their children make a bad marriage choice, or that the family’s fruit doesn’t last. Change neighborhoods, change churches, cut off relationships, if necessary, risk offending someone...but don’t be a companion of a fool. “A companion of fools is destroyed.”  Did you ever notice that the Bible only speaks of wise and foolish people?  There's nothing in between.  Better to have no friends than foolish ones. Spend as much time doing things as a family, as possible.  Do everything together!  Foster friendship in your own family!  Then, get together with other families.  Getting together as families is preferable to sending your children off to a friend's house. If you want a close family, and your children to love each other, don't be doing things separately!  (If they are off away from the rest of the family, know who your children are spending time with, and what they are doing.)  Have families to your home.  Speak highly of the Godly character you see in other families and their children. (This might prompt a great Bible study, as you find out what God thinks is great character!  You might do a word study, for instance, on the "one another" verses.  Or do a study on friendships in the Bible, and study David and Jonathan.  Or study the character traits which Jesus showed to His disciples, and specifically Peter, James and John.)   Point Godly character out, teaching your children to observe others and to be discerning, (this is not judging) and teaching them to recognize Godly character in others, to appreciate it, and to praise it.  Your children will notice what pleases you, and seek to emulate that.  If you constantly praise how beautiful or handsome someone is, that is what they will seek to become.  If you never fail to talk about the athletic prowess of the high school, college, or pro athletes, being good at sports will become their main goal in life.  Show them that you think Godly character and wisdom are important, because God says "wisdom is the principle thing".  (*Integrity check:  Is this the most important thing to me?  If not, what is?  What do I need to do about it? )  Don't make your children feel that you are comparing them to others, though, making them feel that somehow they always come up short.  Praise their Godly character the most.  (Be looking for it. Have an eagle eye, just waiting to "catch" them showing Godly character!)  It is way too easy to become critical!  Especially if you have "good kids", it is easy to take their good behavior for granted, and only talk to them about the little things they need to correct!  This can lead to major discouragement in your child, and eventually they may feel that they can never please you, and feel that they should just give up.

Most of all, spend time together as a family.  Plan learning opportunities together, serve together, do everything together.  By your words and actions, encourage and expect that your children will be best friends with each other.  More than anyone else, your children’s best friends should be their own brothers and sisters, and the wisest companions anyone could have.

Love and Marriage: Resources for Your Children to Have and to Hold

In my interview last week with David and Carolyn and their married daughter, Michelle, in the Love and Marriage series (entitled Premarital Counseling for Preschoolers), Carolyn referred to books that she had read to her children from an early age to help them have right thinking about the subject of love and marriage.  David and Carolyn are the parents of 7 children.  Michelle, the oldest, is 26, and married, expecting their fourth child.  David and Carolyn also have a new grandbaby boy through their son and his wife, born just this last week!  Their children still at home, include their son, Michael, who is 19.  Then they have a reversal "baby", Daniel, who is 9, and they adopted 3 girls (sisters) from Liberia 2 years ago.  The girls, as far as one can tell in these cases, are about 10, 7 and 5.

We were talking about courtship, and why in the world it should be something that parents of young children need to think about!  They became very animated at that question. Go back to the link above to read the interview.  The rest of the story will be written, but had to be delayed, due to unforeseen circumstances.  So, I asked Carolyn if she would write out a list of some of her favorite books which, she believes, help to give children a right and righteous outlook on love and marriage.  At any age, but especially if you have young children, reading books which depict a loving marriage, and the kind of family interactions which you want them to aspire to, is very important.  Even in some books which are our personal favorites, sometimes children pick up on things which completely escape our notice:  Carolyn's daughter asked as they were reading a beloved favorite one day, "Where's the Daddy?"  Sure enough, come to think of it, he is never depicted.  The children go everywhere either alone or with their mother.  They eat and the mother puts them to bed at night, without ever a mention or sight of the dad.  Many other situations may establish their beliefs and desires, and cement those, in the stories they read or that we read to them. (Parents must beware, also, of the images their children see through the media of film, TV, computer, etc.)

Here is the list of resources that Carolyn recommends as excellent for young, and older, children:
(certainly at least as young as 4 years old)

• Keepers of the Faith (for boys and young men)
• Keepers at Home (for girls and young ladies)  both by Keepers of the Faith.
• Lamplighter Books:  Teddy's Button, Hedge of Thorns, The True Princess, The Three Weavers 
• The Squire and The Scroll by Jennie Bishop
• The Princess and The Kiss by Jennie Bishop
• Door Posts:  Polished Cornerstones, Plants Grown Up, For Instruction in Righteousness, all by Pam Forster
• Wilderness Wife by Etta De Gring, story of Rebecca Bryan Boone
• Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally (Go to the link, and visit Tomorrow's Forefathers, to check out the Mally Family's ministry and then go to their blog, to be inspired in your own family relationships of love.  Also check out Loving the Lord Ministries (ministry of the Vest Family) and the Loving the Lord blog.  As your girls get older, participating in Girls' Groups and attending a Purity Conference, ministries of Amy Vest and her family, can be very important in a girl's life, as to staying on the right track that God would have her travel. 

 Carolyn emphasized that the "best book" your children will ever read that pertains to marriage, is you and your spouse daily living out a Christ-centered marriage!  A challenge for all of us!

About David and Carolyn:
David,47, and Carolyn, 48, are the parents of 7 children, aged 3 to 26.  They have walked the path of courtship twice with their children. They have 3 grandchildren through these two marriages and are expecting their fourth any day their fourth, a boy, was born about a week ago!  But they can also easily identify with parents of small children, because they have 4 younger ones, as well, and their three grandkiddos, all under 5 years old, spend much time at their house.  They wouldn't have it any other way!

Children's Work is Only Begun: Learning to Play, Playing to Learn

Bonnie Anderson is a dear friend of mine and extremely qualified to talk about what to do with little children! (see her credentials below) I invited her to be our guest at "A Mom Thing" last night and to share activities and teaching ideas for little children, especially what they can do while you are needing one-on-one teaching time with an older child.  She shared with us so many wonderful ideas.  Here is Part 1 from the notes I took on:
Ideas For Activities That Teach Little Ones Important Concepts
Have an overstuffed chair to curl up in and get cozy to read to your children.  Reading to your children is very important!  Pick books with lots of pictures for your little ones. They love the visuals--you can talk through the book with them as you look at the pictures and they can tell you what's going to happen next; an important skill to be able to think ahead to what will happen.

Bonnie's "Two Most Important Things to Have":

• Their own Bible: She recommends The Bible in Pictures for Little Eyes, by Kenneth Taylor ISBN 0-8024-0595-9
• A Large Magnifying Glass (sturdy, easy to hold for little hands, sturdy plastic)

Activities for Teaching Skills needed for Reading and Math: 2 to 4-years-old

• Playdoh
• Round wood pieces you put into holes, colored ones even better

"Contracts": A Paper with the agreed-upon "work" they are to do in the time allotted

• A Written list (with pictures) of "their work" for their schoolday
• Have Special things which they use only during this time (when you're working with older children)
• Put an Animal shape on the page: they can look for that shape in the "school area" to find the next thing they're to do.
• Tape your voice reading a story or talking
• Put a sticker or picture of a puzzle:  Do 3 puzzles: Let them make the decision of which ones; teaches decision-making
• Hang clothes on a "clothesline": String a light rope up where they can clip real clothes or construction paper clothes (clip a large green dot on the left of the rope and a large red dot on the right)
• Always have them go from left to right in everything they do, reinforces left to right in reading and writing

Resources: (Older resources are probably out of print, so you may have to hunt for them)

• Montessori:  teaches how to fold a napkin and make a pile of them, and put away.  Scrubbing, cleaning a Conch shell, getting in the crevises. Teaches how to work--to do things.  Once taught, they can do that as their "work" in their schoolday.
• Book:  Homemade Toys That Teach II, by Rhoda Redleaf, Toys'n Things Press, illustrated by Ellen Krans
• Book:  Mathematics Their Way, Things you can make to teach, by Mary Baratta-Lorton
• Teach how to glue: there's a product with a red top that replaces the normal glue top, which only allows one drop to come out
• They receive a Reward of placing something to indicate they completed the task: a button on the Gingerbread Man, (he has three buttons--one for each of the three things they are to do)
• Match the Reward to their likes: glue, buttons, paint, etc.
• "Place your finished items on this shelf where I can see your work later"
• Give the praise when Mama's free--they're learning independence
• Puzzles--independent pieces, with knobs; Choose puzzles that teach something: e.g. development of a frog

Teaching Motor Skills

• Teach to Trace: teach how to hold a pencil correctly
• Later teach how to read cursive, so they'll be able to read letters written by their Grandma's
• Teach "pulling down" on letters, not up; start with tracing with their fingers; draw in the sandbox
• Learn Block Letters--Direction is important

Teaching Visual Skills

• Matching activities and games
• Make a pizza round with pictures on the wedges--have them clothespin the two that match
• Make it self-checking:  on the back put matching colored dots, so turning over they know immediately if they got it right:  They want to get it right!
• Memory Games--Look for old games at Garage Sales:  Four Seasons Memory Game (teaching something as they play)
• Dominoes (Big chunky ones):  e.g. Add on to the end of the picture the piece that matches
• Dominoes Colors

These activities introduce everything that's in a "Contract".  You can start as young as 2-1/2 years old, depending on the child. You know your child best.
  
About Bonnie: Go to her Timeline of History here.
Bonnie Anderson has been a Teach Institute and Accreditation Association consultant for 25 years. She is a former Kindergarten teacher, and loves using her creativity working with families and children. She is a wife and mom who Homeschooled her own two sons, Ben and Dan, who now are grownup and on their own and one was married this past year. Bonnie loves books, and sells used children's books through her business, Bonnie's Books.  She has a personal library of over 20,000  used children's books.  She specializes in historical fiction, but has her loft filled with books for younger "readers".  She loves to collect the stuffed animal or doll which "is" the character for a particular book. 

Love and Marriage: Character Qualities of a Future Daughter-in-Law?

I read somewhere once that it's a good idea to write down a list of the characteristics that you want to be present in the girl/guy that your child will marry someday, when it's still a long, long ways off, and you can be objective. It's important to use Scripture as your guide, as well as prayer.  So, when he was a little boy (smile) I did this (he is now 24). I made a list of the character qualities in a wife for Dane.  There are no Scripture verses written down, and there are items that only reflect my son's interests and personality, but otherwise they are pretty good guidelines for preparing our daughter to be a good wife, too, and may also be helpful as characteristics that I should still aim for as a wife after all these years.
This is the first time anyone has ever seen this. I share it hesitantly, but in the hopes that it will encourage you young moms to be praying regularly for your children's future spouses, and to make a list yourselves. Character is important, and if you've written character qualities down, and have been praying for the person displaying those qualities to come along for years, you'll not only recognize those qualities in a person when you see them, but you'll recognize when they're missing, and not be so willing to settle, or compromise, and accept a person who lacks character.  You marry a family, not just a person, and emotions can sometimes cloud the perceptions of everyone and cause people to become enamored with someone who's lacking what have always been considered essentials in character and circumstances.  Each person's list will be different in some respects but, for a Christian, at the top of the list must be to marry a solid Christian, who is living for the Lord. So, here's my list of:
Character Qualities of a Wife for Dane

1.  Submissive (demonstrates this in her present home)
2.  Respectful (demonstrates this in her present home)
3.  Sweet and Gentle
4.  Bright/Intelligent
5.  Beautiful/Attractive
6.  Disciplined/Self-controlled: in body, mind, and spirit
7.  Well-ordered:  present near surroundings (such as her bedroom and desk) and in personal life
8.  Good manager of money, time and home
9.  Good sense of humor
10. Active person:  Enjoys doing things, going places, being busy
11. Skilled musician (loves music and plays at least one instrument)
12. Loves History, interested in current events
13. Completely sold-out to the Lord; knows and is a student of the Word; not a new Christian
14. Using her gifts in some way:  fruitful
15. Growing in the Lord:  Responding, Changing in response to the Holy Spirit and the Word of God
16. Loves to read
17. Discerning
18. Wants however many children the Lord will give
19. Committed to Staying Home and Being a Wife and Mother
20. Not ambitious:  Content to Stay at Home, under authority, using her gifts to build up other families.  Not restless or rebellious--fighting her role
21. Flexible
22. Cheerful/Easy-going
23. Loves to Travel
24. From a solid, conservative, Godly family--Likeminded:  raising their children to go in the same direction and with same values as ours.
25. Will raise daughters to wear dresses.
26. Is Modest
27. Not flirtatious
28. Treats her Dad with respect, and serves him.
29. Great relationships with siblings.
30. Is Kind in Tongue
31. Not an angry woman
32. Compassionate, Generous, Giving
33. Will reach out her hand to the needy
34. Skilled in wifely duties
35. Comes from a family that we respect
36. If she would become "just like her mother/father", it'd be fine.
37. We have a good relationship with her, and love her.
38. Is a people-person
39. Personable; confident/polite in social settings; Poised
40. Given to Hospitality.  Able, having helped her mom in this area for a long time--a good cook.
41. Hard worker; self-motivated
42. Creative/Resourceful

Child-Training: Before You Place Your Foot On The Path, Stop!

(This is number three in a row in a larger series on Child-Training.  Click to read number one, "The Proof is in the Pudding", and number two, "What's It Going To Take?")

Hugely impacted by the way we were raised, we accept or reject standards and practices, activities and pastimes, hobbies and interests, based on how our parents raised us, what "everybody" we know is doing, pride, desire to "fit in", desire to look good in others' eyes, or desire to purely please our flesh.  If, for one second, we sat down and prayed about it, presented a completely clean slate to the Lord with no presuppositions, were truly willing to do exactly what He said, and asked what He wanted us to fill our time and lives with, what difference would it make in the world?  What difference would it make in our souls?  What difference would it make in our "fruit"--in our children's lives.
I believe that satan is going through the orchards of Christians and robbing them of their fruit, making their fruit unappealing, not very sweet, and startlingly small, and we are giving up without a fight, in fact we are full participants with him. Christian parents are willing for their spiritual fruit to be paltry.  Oftentimes, they choose to be involved in things which promise physical good: strength, stamina, prowess, their physical ability to be magnified.  All through our lives, it's not going to be the obvious wickedness which satan tempts us to do which will make or break our spiritual lives and decide the outcome of our fruit.  It's the choice between the good and the best.  It's about time.

So, as we begin the spring season, heading into summer, here is my counsel to you:

Number seven in my list of "Ten Things" I would tell a young mom, as an older woman who's raised her children to adulthood:  if you want to raise Godly children:
7) Limit or Eliminate Team Sports—We had few. Teams (sports and otherwise) are a dictator over your family’s life and take over your time and schedule. They become your master. Your love for, and allegiance to, them will tempt you to compromise your convictions and to disobey God, and will constantly ask for and demand more and more of you. When our children were in grade school and junior high, I was appalled and saddened by the number of “championship” games that were scheduled on Sundays. (Later, even practices were scheduled on the Lord's Day). This caused Christian families to have to make a choice between their desire and conviction to worship God and their commitment to the team and not wanting to disappoint their child.   Being on a team (or squad, etc.) often introduces your child to foolish (if not immoral) companions, exposes your child needlessly to the world, and invites unnecessary temptations.
Let me tell you a true story to illustrate.  When our son was on a team in grade school, a boy brought a certain “magazine," well-known for its lewd and immoral pictures, to practice and was passing it around showing it to some of the boys--fortunately our son wasn’t one of those who saw the pictures.  The coach thought the whole incident very funny.  We went to all the practices and games, or we may have known nothing of it. Many a man was introduced to pornography in this very manner, and now it has destroyed his life and family.
Have you placed your foot on the path?  If not, stop.  I am very wary of  "starting down a road" and not being able to turn back.  One decision in the early years of a child's life can start you down a path, on a road, which takes you to a destination you had no intention of going to.  Have you ever been on a highway, and realized that you were going the wrong way, but couldn't get off?  No exit ramps. You end up miles and miles down the road, and often it is a very long, time-consuming task, fraught with frustration to turn around and get back on the right road, going in the right direction.  This is a very frustrating experience when driving, but in life, it has far weightier consequences.  Every choice you make, every activity you allow your child or your family to participate in, is a step on a path, a beginning of a road.  Parents start on the road of sports involvement (or it could be ballet, tae kwon do, etc., etc., etc.,) when their children are very young, not realizing where the road leads, or even thinking through the decision at all. It's very difficult (but not impossible) to discontinue participation in these activities (or get off the road), once you've placed your foot on the path.
 There's a story of a woman who won a contest, and her prize was that she would be allowed to go into a room filled with piles of money--piles of one dollar bills, ten dollar bills, twenty dollar bills, up to one hundred dollar bills--and she would be allowed to keep as much as she could collect up in 1 minute.  What would you think if she headed straight to the pile of one dollar bills? Why would that be the wrong direction to go in?  Is there anything wrong with one dollar bills? No, of course not!  The question is not always one of moral right or wrong, though sometimes that is the case, but the question is one of good, better and best!  Choosing "dollar bills" means you can't choose "hundred dollar bills".  Time is short! Choose the best. 

See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV)

Choose what is best.  First and foremost, decide in your heart that these children are God's, not yours, and surrender their lives, as well as your own, to the Lord.  Then, in light of eternity, ask Him what He wants all of you to do with your time and talents. Think about what kind of adult person God wants your child to be, and spend serious time in prayer about what you will add into their lives to develop them into that person.  Don't take it lightly.  Often, it seems to just "happen" that our children become totally locked into a sport or activity. It doesn't just happen--you make a choice when they are young. Often parents don't feel that they can change, once their children are a little older, but you can, if the Lord wants you to.  Really examine your reasons and motivations and weigh the benefits and consequences, and pray earnestly about if, and why, you need to have your child involved in these extracurricular activities?  What would God have you do?

Link to "What Hill Are You Dying On?"

Joanne at Blessed (One So Blessed) has written an excellent post for Exemplify Online that, if you are a woman (wife or daughter), you need to read.  I related to it all too well.  It is entitled: "What Hill Are You Dying On?"  In answer to that question, some of us would have to say, "Why, every hill! There are none too small!"  I find myself challenging and correcting my husband, and also my children, all too often, setting up a confrontational home environment.  The Lord has convicted me that it is pride.

 Only by pride cometh contention:

but with the well advised is wisdom.  

Proverbs 13:10 (KJV)

When pride cometh, then cometh shame:

but with the lowly is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2 (KJV)

I was raised by a dad who demanded absolute respect and obedience.  Unfortunately, he had a rebellious daughter.  He said everything dogmatically. So did I.  He was prone to say, "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"  And I would be looking somewhere else thinking about what I was going to say next! Ready always to defend myself, or correct that little thing he said wrong! (In later years, he mellowed, I got saved, and we became very close!) But, in my growing-up years, if you wanted to be heard in our home, you had to speak up loudly and firmly!  So, I learned to say things as though they were the gospel truth, even when I was really unsure, or didn't even realize I was doing it!  This habit got me into a lot of trouble in my early years of marriage.  My husband pointed this trait out to me on more than one occasion.  I am still learning not to die on every hill, and to choose my battles (another phrase that my husband likes to use).  I *think* that I have learned this lesson: that prayer is more effective than my words, and that I don't need to say everything that comes into my mind!  These are some statements that I have thought to say to my children, and haven't.  "You can't go out looking like that!" "What were you thinking!"  "Surely you knew that _____"  "When did you start eating that? You don't like that (food)!"  "You're becoming ___, and you'd better change fast, or you're going to _____." But I have actually said much worse!

Now, in my own family and marriage, I see that "speaking our minds" is a characteristic which is "caught".  Do you women and girls who are reading this know how much influence you have on the atmosphere in your home?  I have been startled, shocked, amazed and humbled when I have made an effort to change my tone, at various and sundry times, prompted by the Holy Spirit, to be more _____ (fill in the blank: cheerful, gentle, encouraging, non-complaining/grateful, praising of others), and I have felt the spirit of our home completely transformed!

Lord, make me submissive

Give me a meek and quiet spirit

which is beautiful in Your sight.

Amen.

Child-Training: (Part 2) "Now for the Really Tough Stuff!"

As an older mom looking back on raising my children, I have a list of what I see as the crucial ingredients which God led us to put into our recipe of child-raising, which I believe has resulted in the Godly grown children we live with and enjoy. I call this my "Top Ten Things".  In Child-training, Part 1, I began sharing this list.  Our children are 24 and 20, and they love the Lord, and are walking with Him.  It is by God's grace. We all know that we have to rely on Him day by day and minute by minute.  There is nothing we can do to save ourselves or sanctify ourselves, of course. But God gives us wise instructions in the Scriptures about things to avoid in our lives, to flee, to not have or be around. These instructions are His Word, which He commands us to obey, but it's for our blessing.  

Matthew 6:33 (KJV)  "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;

and all these things shall be added unto you."

Do you want to raise Godly children? Don't brush aside the counsel of Godly older women. (I'm not talking about myself.) Beware of listening to, or copying, other young moms, those who haven't raised their children to adulthood yet, or the latest how-to book. Satan wants to deceive, and sin doesn't stand still.  Though satan has no new tricks, the world and its sin are a lot worse now than 20 years ago. The Bible must be our guide. And in it, God commands the older women to teach the younger. I don't feel qualified in myself.  This list I'm going to share, even to me, looks stringent--strict.  You may say, "Don't be ridiculous! How can anyone live like that?!"  I know it.  But God protected us, led us, proved the rightness of doing these things, and gave us the strength to do it. And we didn't feel deprived, or that we were suffering. Our kids say, "We're used to being different! So what!"

1 Thessalonians 5:21-24 (KJV) "Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

²² Abstain from all appearance of evil.

²³ And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; 

and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless 

unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

²⁴ Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it."

Where is our focus?  What are we living for? Do we want to have fun? Do we want pleasure on earth? The end of that road is hell, pure and simple. If you're on the fence, and are trying to please your wants and desires, want to just look pretty much like everybody else, and enjoy life, at the same time that you call yourself a Christian, you'd better think again!  Maybe you aren't really saved.

2 Timothy 3:12 (KJV) "Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution."
Mark 8:34-36 (KJV) "And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. ³⁵ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it. ³⁶ For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

You can't serve two masters. Jesus Christ will have all of you, or none of you.  You need your eyes on your heavenly home, the finish line, and on Jesus Christ as your Lord and Master, surrendering everything to Him, or don't call yourself a Christian. You will be fooling yourself, and be a bad testimony to the world.

Here are numbers 6-10, one at a time, of my Top Ten Things I would suggest to you, if you want to raise Godly children.  Are you ready to be challenged?  This is what I shared with the women at our church at our Titus 2 Day:

Psalms 101:2-3 (KJV) "I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. 

³ I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes."

Ephesians 5:15-16 (KJV) "See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, ¹⁶ Redeeming the time, because the days are evil." 

6) No TV—Our TV blew out one day and we didn’t replace it; it was the best thing that ever happened to us. Beware, though, of replacing TV-watching with DVD-watching and spending time in front of the computer. Also, I would recommend you use your computer as a tool. Allow no games, not even educational ones, for your children. Keep the computer in the center of your home where everyone can see what you're seeing, and doing. Never allow a child or teenager to have a computer in his room. (Or a phone, TV, music, or other electronics.) Use it sparingly and monitor it religiously.
(The dangers are real, the price you pay for a wrong choice is too high to risk it, and on the positive side: you want to develop strong family ties, and you can't do that with the TV and computer separating you or being the primary focus of your time together!  Now that our children are grown, we watch movies and are on the computer more, but we did very little of it when we were raising our children.  We were trying to build a family.  That meant time together, talking, being together, grabbing those "teachable moments" to impart wisdom into their hearts.)

I know that this is a major area that satan is using to destroy families! If he can't literally break up your family, he'll be almost as happy to separate you within the same home, and make you totally ineffective and non-relational.  Christians are not any different than non-Christians in this.  Please pray about what you're viewing and how much you and your family are sitting in front of a screen.  Consider replacing this time with other activities: talking, playing games, going for walks, doing puzzles, going places like the zoo (if it's free), visiting other families or having them over and talking about meaningful things, doing projects and work around your home that you can do together, and my favorite: reading together and just being together.  So, why not try it tonight? Unplug!

Thankful Thursday: It's "A Mom Thing"

Isaiah 55:8, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."  It's Thankful Thursday today and I'm so thankful that the Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe, the Savior of the world, and the Holy Spirit who resides within me is not limited by my ability in any way.

Young moms were gathering in my Family Room Tuesday night.  Some I had met, others I was meeting for the first time. Lively chatter filled the room.  I had been very nervous beforehand, and still felt a bit discombobulated, but knew that I would thoroughly enjoy the evening once we got going.  I was out on a limb again, in obedience to the Lord.  I had invited almost a dozen young moms to my home for the purpose of encouraging them, because the Lord laid it on my heart to do so. Secondary purposes were to share, in answer to their questions, about Homeschooling, and to introduce one particular mom who was new to the area, to other moms of little boys, like herself.  Encouraging young moms is a real passion of mine.  But earlier in the day I wondered what I had been thinking!  What did I have to say that could possibly help these women?!  I prayed fervently that God would encourage them, that He'd lead me to whatever He wanted me to do or say during the evening, and that they'd leave encouraged and refreshed--strengthened for the work God has for them in their roles as moms.  I calmed my own heart by reminding myself that whenever God has called me to do something like this, not only has it been fun for everyone, but I have been the one blessed the most!

Well, this was no exception. But, as the evening progressed, it became very clear that God had done something so much bigger than I had ever imagined or thought of, in bringing each of the women to my home. As the women began sharing, one woman in particular opened up, encouraged by the prompting of her kind friend sitting next to her, and she shared so sweetly from the depth of her heart. A tear or two was shed. The women's hearts were knit together as encouragement was given and love was shown.  God was working in a powerful way!

It blessed my heart so much so see the interaction:  the exchange of encouragement among them, as well as practical tips and suggestions on parenting, discipline, and everyday life as a mom.  The sharing was deep and real.  Eyes and hearts were opened to new possibilities, and strengthened to believe that God was powerful enough to meet them in their need. With teary eyes and a full heart a mom confided, "I know God brought me here tonight."

I know that God brought all of us together that night. It was agreed that we would continue meeting. "What should we call ourselves?" they eagerly asked..."Well, I said I was going to "a Mom Thing," came the answer.  So, "A Mom Thing" was born.  His ways are so far above my ways, and His thoughts so gloriously above anything I could ask or think, in answer to my prayers. Sometimes all I can do is stand back and be in awe, and say, "Thank you, Lord."

Thank you, Laurie, at Women Taking a Stand, for hosting this month! Click on the link to participate and read other thankful hearts.

Child-Training: Advice from an Older Mom, Part 1

This is a talk on Child-training that I gave to a group of women who were attending a "Titus 2 Day" at our church.  I hope it will be a help and an encouragement to you.  I would love to hear any questions or thoughts you might have on this topic!

"The 2 most important character qualities to teach your children are:  Attentiveness and Obedience

The 3 legs of your stool of child-training are:
Your Training, Your Example and Your Prayer

If any of the three legs is quite a bit shorter than the others, your stool will fall over: We must train them, but also do and be what we say we want them to do and be; and most of all, we must be on our knees diligently praying for our children.

Fast and pray...for your children, your husband, your marriage and family and your church
If I could only tell you ten things that are, to me, the most important, this would be my list of the

Top Ten Things to Focus On
1) Quiet Time: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. Read the Bible through every year, memorize it, sit at the Lord’s feet, pour out your heart to Him. He must be most important in your whole life and everything you teach your children must be centered on loving Him first and foremost in their lives.


2) Consistency. What are the things your children will say, “My mother always did this...(or said this)”? (They most definitely will remember things you said!) Choose them. And make sure they’re Biblical. And important. Repeat them often and work on having these as the thread that runs through your whole life. Strive for increasing consistency in Christlikeness.


3) Strive for increasing order. This is a life-long challenge for me. “It’s not where you are, but what direction you’re going that’s important.”


4) Be committed to sitting down at the table without distractions for at least one family meal a day. I’m amazed at the number of families that don’t do this.


5) We are called “stay-at-home moms”—Stay at home. When my children were younger we decided that 2 nights of planned weekly activities per week was the maximum we would commit to. I started out Homeschooling thinking my children needed all the extracurricular activities and opportunities and “socialization,” but soon learned that is the road to disorder, strife at home, worldliness and developing wrong appetites in my children and me. Being home most days allowed us to see--and deal with--character issues in our children and ourselves. It also allowed us to establish a routine—children thrive on routine—it made them more happy and contented little people. It strengthened family relationships and turned hearts to their father, allowing us to train them in hard work and skills that they needed to learn. We were able to be companions of the wise: real people, but also Godly characters in great books we read together aloud. (Proverbs describes the wanton woman whose feet are never at home—I don’t want to have anything in common with her.)

In Part 2, I will continue with numbers 6-10

of my list of The Top Ten Things.

Timely Tips on Tuesday: Homeschool Resources

I thought I would share some wonderful Homeschooling Resources with you today!

Have you heard of HSLDA? (Homeschool Legal Defense Association) Maybe you think of it as an organization that will help you if you ever have anyone challenge your right to Homeschool, or an "insurance program" of sorts for Homeschoolers, providing legal support when, and if, you need it. Well, that's "part" of it. But

HSLDA has so much more to offer you!  At their website you will find:

• Valuable Statistics that will encourage you and relieve your worried relatives
• A Link to a Free Copy of "You Can Homeschool"--A Resource that will encourage you if you are contemplating Homeschooling
• You Can Homeschool!, How To Do It, and I Won't Ruin My Kids?
• Info on Support Groups and State Laws
• Answers from Experienced Leaders in the Homeschool movement on your Key Questions (such as, Do I need a college degree, How much time does it take, Statistics regarding Socialization, What about High School, and "Are You Sure I Won't Ruin My Kids?")
• Useful Tips
• Articles
• Testimonials

Go to HSLDA now and check it out!

Next, if you haven't heard of NHERI, I am very excited to be the one to tell you about them! NHERI (National Home Education Research Institute)

What is NHERI? From their website: "NHERI is the National Home Education Research Institute. NHERI conducts and collects research about homeschooling (home-based education, home schooling), and publishes the research journal called the Home School Researcher. The institute has hundreds of research works documented and catalogued on home schooling, many of which were done by NHERI. Simply put, NHERI specializes in homeschool research."

Why should that be exciting to you?  Well, every Homeschooling Mom has had to give answers to good, but difficult, questions from well-meaning, "concerned" outsiders, and wished she had:

1. Answers readily available at her fingertips
2. Something in print she could give to the person, that could answer their questions better than she could and
3. Reassurance that what she *believes* is true about the rightness of her choice to Homeschool, really is!

Well, that's exactly what NHERI gives you!  It is a deep well of encouragement.
Here's some of what you will find at their site: 

• I recommend first, to you, the "Home Education Reason And Research" Report. It is an 8 page long, 8-1/2 x 11 full-color report which addesses topics such as:  the teaching parent’s education level, academic achievement of students, population growth, philosophy, government (state) regulation and homeschool achievement, psychological and social development of students, and success of the home educated in adulthood, all with research to back up their findings. A great resource to share with concerned grandparents, and other random relations who really do care. (It will also greatly relieve your own mind as a Homeschooler.) One copy is $2.95, and the prices go down from there according to how many you order.
• Also available are Fact Sheets, each $1.00, that show the results of research on those questions everyone wants to know: What about Test Scores, Do Very Many People Really Do This?, Why Do They Do This? (Reasons for Homeschooling), Do Homeschooled Children Grow Up to Be Able to Function in Society and Can They Get a Job?, and more.
• Books including "Home-Educated and Now Adults" which highlights 7000+ adults who were Home-Educated during their elementary and secondary school years.
• They have a new DVD out, called "Home-Based Education: The Informed Choice", a great resource for you, if you are considering Homeschooling, and a wonderful resource for you to be able to share with your friends and family.
• An Online Store

Check out NHERI today!

These are just two resources,

but I hope they will be an encouragement and help to you!

Timely Tips on Tuesday: Wendy's Helpful Hints, Part 2

Organization of Information,
Record-keeping and Planning Helps
and Storage of Extra Supplies
This is a continuation of ideas--Helpful Hints, part 2: A downloading of my brain and "What's Worked For Me."  I hope that you can make sense of my explanations and maybe that some of the ideas will help you.  Sometimes the simplest idea has been for me a lifesaver. An idea that "Works" takes me from feeling like a failure to feeling like a success in a moment. The littlest idea can make so much difference, don't you think?  So, here you go:

11. Keep a record of Hospitality Received: record the date, hostess gift given, thank you sent, return invitation extended.

12. Keep “like” things stored together. For instance, all recipe books on 2 shelves of the bookshelf nearest the kitchen; extra household supplies in the cupboard in the hall: Recipe books/recipes; photos/scrapbooking supplies; paper products (paper plates, napkins, cups, plastic silverware); extra household supplies (paper towels, toilet paper, light bulbs, batteries).

13. Place a phone message notebook by the phone with a pen attached: record the date and time along with the message and who it is for. (The Person Phoned can put a check mark by the message when they have read it.)

14. Keep the Church Directory, phone tree/prayer chain and schedule for serving responsibilities on the inside of the nearest cupboard by the phone in the kitchen.

15. Write on a notepad on the fridge items you run out of and transfer this list to your Master Grocery List when you’re ready to go to the grocery store.

16. Make your menu plan for two weeks (one at a minimum), considering any hospitality events you’re planning, potluck dishes or meals you’ll be making for others, and make your grocery list from your menu plans.  List the recipe, where it can be found, and its page number on the bottom of your grocery list. This helps in the event that you aren’t able to get all of the ingredients; you’ll know what dish you needed the ingredient for and be able to adjust your plans.

17. Keep receipts from stores such as Cub, Kohls, etc. in #10 envelopes, sorted by month: write the month and year on the outside of the envelope (January 2007).  At the end of the year rubberband the year's receipts together.  This makes it easy to find the receipt when you have to make a return or need to be reimbursed for a purchase.

18. Have a place where you keep unpaid bills and always place them there as soon as they come in the door: e.g. a section of an organizer on the wall or an envelope or file folder in your desk; keep all paperwork from bills that have been paid throughout the year together in one place: a shallow box will work, or you can sort them in file folders.

19. To avoid forgetting to pay a bill: Record in an excel spreadsheet this information or on paper.  Make a chart to record the pertinent information regarding the payment of the bill. List all the bills you commonly pay down the left side and the months of the year along the top and record the check number (or AW for automatic withdrawal) and the amount paid in the appropriate box as you pay each bill. It will be easy to see if you have missed any, and which ones, and to track check numbers, if necessary.

20. Buy a small spiral notebook (3x5”) for each vehicle you own and keep it in the glove box to record gas purchases: record the date, odometer reading, location, # of gallons, cost, and whether paid by check/credit card or cash; also record any maintenance done on that vehicle in the same notebook: it will be easy to calculate your gas mileage, determine when you need to do an oil change, etc.

21. Keep a medium-sized open box in the bottom of your bedroom closet (if you have a master bath) or another handy location close to the bathroom, if you don't, for extra toiletries and bathroom supplies. Always keep in this box at least one extra of each thing the members of your family use on a daily basis: e.g. deodorant, shampoo, bar soap/body wash, mousse/gel, hairspray, after shave, feminine products, etc. When you run out, you then “shop” from the box, and when you use the last one of an item from the box, you write it on your list on the fridge.  This eliminates those last-minute emergency trips to the store for one item you've run out of!

Homeschooling: A Day In the Life

While Homeschooling, January through March was the most productive time of our year.  We were past the adjustments of fall and a routine had been established, we'd scaled the mountain of Christmas and were on the other side, and there were no major holidays to get in our way until spring.  Reviewing my written goals for our school year was an essential strategy as I planned our major winter attack.  Like a good general, I would map out for my "troops" how far we'd come, which battle strategies had succeeded, and the plan of attack for the battles ahead of us in order to "win the war" and finish school on time, or even early!  I enjoyed calculating how many pages were left in the math book, dividing the number up into the remaining days and casting a vision for my children of success if they just completed "x" number of pages a day!  My pep talk was convincing, and partly for me, and it worked!

Another strategy which was very effective was rewarding ourselves for getting the bulk of our schoolwork done in the morning.  We would do the "hardest" subjects first and get them out of the way.  (This was Dad's idea: he's a "morning person."  But it worked!)  After family devotions, the children would have time to do their "list."  This consisted of things like making their beds, eating breakfast, brushing their teeth, etc.  Then they began their schoolday:  while one did Math, the other practiced piano, and then they switched.  Then there was Language Arts, and Science before Lunch.  Now, we figured, if interruptions came, we'd already accomplished the bulk of our schoolwork.  Promised rewards for them of time to build snowforts outside, and drink hot chocolate inside, while listening to mom read, were all the motivation they needed!

Cold winter days in Minnesota are cozy times when afternoons are filled with "just one more chapter" from a living book--our favorites were historical fiction--which not only whisked us away to another time and place, but also satisfied the State Education requirement for both history and language arts, and was a part of a fascinating Unit Study!  Our local librarian and I saw a lot of each other in winter!

For me, a supremely satisfying day was when we actually accomplished all that I had planned (maybe even more!) and I experienced the thrill of igniting a fire of desire to know more about a subject and saw the love of learning on my children's faces.  What was most fun was when Dad would come home and they couldn't wait to tell him what they'd learned and accomplished that day!  Dad would ask appropriate questions, and get excited himself, maybe suggesting an experiment or activity which would complement our study, while I, smiling, listened as they fell all over one another in their exuberant excitement to be the one to tell Dad each detail of what they'd done and learned.

Today, the sun is pouring in my window on this cold January day, and both my grown children are home, and I'm enjoying being together: a rarity, it seems, these days.  I'm reminiscing about the "good old days" of Homeschooling and grateful for every single one of them.

Thankful Thursday: An Encouraging Word From A Thankful Heart

Thanks to Laurie at "Women Taking A Stand" for hosting Thankful Thursday!

Playing The Scenes Over In My Mind
This time of year I tend to think back over my life and the lives of my children, and to play the scenes over in my mind of years gone by, and review. This year as I've watched those scenes play out in my memory, it's resulted in an overwhelming gratitude for some very special people that God placed in my life.


I am so very, very thankful for those older Godly women who invested in my life, and that of my family, by giving wise, Biblical counsel and advice, and by being living examples of practical holiness as a wife and mother, during the years I was raising my children.


Advice Learned From Godly Older Women
May I share with you (there's something here for every woman) some of the sage advice I learned from them?  May it exhort, encourage, and bless you.


If you have small children, you are in the sowing and weeding time of child-rearing: it’s a lot of work and you may not (don’t) see any fruit.

Don’t grow weary.

Work hard, keep on: for in due season you will reap, if you faint not! You will have a bountiful harvest sooner than you can imagine! But you can’t quit and this is not the harvest time!


Satan wants to distract you because if he can get you to go and work somewhere else (maybe harvesting someone else’s fruit), he knows you will lose your own fruit and your testimony will be spoiled. Sow and weed and tend your own garden—nothing is sweeter than the fruit from your own tree.

Press on, do not give up, do not give in—

you will win, with God's help.

What To Do When Satan Attacks
Ask God to bind him: in the name, and by the precious blood, of Jesus Christ.
Like a pesky fly, swish him away—“Begone!”


Take your thoughts captive—corral them—give those thoughts to Jesus.


Quote Scripture: for every bad thought, replace it in your mind, and out loud, with truth. Repeat God’s words, (not Satan’s, such as “I just want to walk away, give up, I’ll never amount to anything, nothing I ever do is right, it will never work out”—never say those thoughts out loud! To yourself or anybody else!)


Emotions Follow Your Spirit and Your Will
Follow the Spirit with your spirit, and your will—emotions will be forced to follow. Say the truth in your mind. With your spirit agree with it, and with your will say, “I will.”


Say The "I Wills"
For example, “I will trust in the Lord. I will rejoice. I will be glad in the Lord. I will overcome. I will not flag in zeal. I will sing to the Lord, I will do right, I will hope, I will remember I am created in the image of God, I will go forth in righteousness, I will speak the truth in love—even to myself!” etc.


When in doubt, when discouraged, when all else fails: “Do the next thing.”
These words come from a beautiful poem that Elisabeth Elliot quotes:




Do The Next Thing
"At an old English parsonage down by the sea,
there came in the twilight a message to me.
Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven
that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.
And all through the hours the quiet words ring,
like a low inspiration, 'Do the next thing.'


Many a questioning, many a fear,
many a doubt hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from heaven,
time, opportunity, guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,
trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.


Do it immediately, do it with prayer,
do it reliantly, casting all care.
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,
who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,
leave all resultings, do the next thing.


Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
working or suffering be thy demeanor,
in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.
Do the next thing."


Encouragement from Hymns
Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in your heart to the Lord: take out your hymnbook and sing truth and praises to the Lord; (or better yet, make a notebook, by copying your favorite hymns, putting them in plastic sheet protectors in a three-ring notebook, and sing to the Lord.)  It won’t take long before you feel encouraged!