Meanings of Wedding Traditions (Part 2)

In June, we began to learn about the Meanings of Wedding Traditions.  Today, I want to continue sharing two more deeply meaningful symbols of God's covenantal relationship with us through the blood of Christ, which are exemplified in the wedding ceremony.  This has been a fascinating study for me, and has deepened my appreciation for, and enjoyment of, the wedding ceremony.

First, let me encourage you to go back and read Part 1 by clicking on the link above!  Second, allow me to remind you where in the Bible we see some of the symbolism of the marriage covenant.  Did you realize that marriage is not a contract, but a covenant, and a picture of the covenant between God and His Bride, all those who are saved by faith in Jesus Christ?  In Genesis 15, we see the picture of a covenant.  The word "covenant" comes from a word which means to cut.  When God made a covenant with Abraham, He made an animal sacrifice, and cut the animals in half and placed the two halves opposite each other, leaving an "aisle" between.  That ground in the middle, that path, was considered "holy" ground.  God initiated the unbreakable covenant with Abraham, by walking between the two parts, down the aisle. That is where the blood covenant is established and where the union is made.

Today I want to tell you the Biblical meaning of two traditions which have, in many modern weddings and marriages today, been tossed aside as unnecessary and archaic, or inconvenient, at least.  I hope you will agree with me after reading that they are deeply meaningful and symbolic of essential Truths of Scripture!

The Bridal Veil

The veil actually has deep significance and symbolism, and it gives me chills just thinking about its meaning!  Let me share with you.  It first of all symbolizes modesty and the virtue of purity of the bride, completing the white wedding dress.  The bridal veil also symbolizes a Biblical veil, that veil or curtain found in the Temple of Old Testament worship, which was there to prevent anyone from entering into the presence of the Holy of Holies, where the presence of Almighty God resided.  Only the High Priest could enter at certain times and after significant ritual cleansing.  If one entered into the presence of the Most High God, the Holy One of Israel, they would die.  This Temple curtain was torn in two from top to bottom when Christ died, symbolizing what was accomplished on the cross:  God removed the barrier forever between His Bride and Himself through Jesus Christ's death on the cross and resurrection. The veil was removed! God was the Only One who could accomplish this, as it was enormously heavy, thick and tall. We now have full access to God through faith in Christ's finished work on the cross.  The lifting of the bridal veil says there's nothing between the bride and groom, they have full access to each other, and symbolizes that we can now enter boldly into the presence of a Holy God, because of what Christ has done for us.

The Presentation of the Couple

When the minister introduces the couple to the wedding guests, he is drawing attention to their new identity and the name change brought about through the marriage. Similarly, in the blood covenant, the two parties would exchange some part of their names. In Genesis 15, God gave Abram a new name, Abraham, by adding letters from his own name, Yahweh. The presence of a breath of air (the 'h') into his name symbolizes the presence of the Holy Spirit inside of us when we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and are saved.  We have a new name--we are called by His Name--when we become His and become one with Him at salvation.  God gave Abram a new name, Abraham, signifying the new covenant He had made with him, and their oneness.  We are changed when the Holy Spirit comes into our lives, and we are called "new creatures" when we become Christ's Bride!  This is the Biblical symbolism behind why the bride takes on the name of the groom, and not the other way around.  This is why the bride doesn't keep her own name.

Stay tuned for more Meanings of Wedding Traditions to come!


(For these and more, visit http://christianity.about.com/od/weddingceremony/a/weddingtraditions_2.htm)

Love and Marriage: I (Still) Do

Marriage isn't a feeling. It's a commitment...it's a promise.

It's for better or for worse

for richer, for poorer

in sickness and in health,

til death do us part.

Love is not a feeling.

It's a commitment...a covenant.

A promise.

And I still do.

Happy 32nd Anniversary, to my Husband.

Love,

Wendy

Love and Marriage: Belittling and Henpecking

"She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
and in her tongue is the law of kindness."
Proverbs 31:26

 
Am I My Husband's Teacher?
I respond with resentment and irritation whenever my grown children speak to me as though I were their child. Why?  My thoughts go something like this, "Don't they know who I am?  I'm the mom.  It's not respecting my position when they try to tell me what to do, or speak to me in that condescending way as though I were a small child!"

Where do they get that from, anyway??  Well, I don't have to look too far for an illustration from my own life, of where they get that from.  How often do I, as a wife, try to "teach" my husband some very simple, and "obvious" lesson, using dripping sarcasm, a rebuke, a putdown, or a tone I would reserve for a five-year-old?  How often, indeed? Chastened, chagrined, I purpose in my heart, while asking forgiveness and help from the Lord, to speak less, and when I do speak, to let God teach my husband, and not me.

Silence Is Golden? May Be!
Here is an excellent article, though convicting, which relates to my comments above, entitled, "Warning Signs That You're Talking Too Much," from Exemplify Online magazine.

Do you know what "henpecking" is?  You may not be able to define it, but you've seen it.  Here is an article found in a secular newspaper, by Dan Howe, in his column called "Here's Howe" on the subject of henpecking, which every wife would do well to read.  (Lord, deliver us from ever henpecking our husbands.)

"In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19

"There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health."
Proverbs 12:18

The Flipside of Irritations: What Are You Getting So Upset About?!

Without warning, a bomb explodes under your feet soon after your foot hits the floor by the side of your bed.  Your spouse is angry.  And by seemingly small irritations!  Little things you neglected to do for him.  Careless words you tossed out without thinking.  "Minor" infractions of the rules of marriage.  Certainly nothing to get angry over!  Really no big deal, right?  Now he's "attacking" you like a wounded bear! And everywhere you step you fear setting off another explosion.  Both of you have already been injured and are bruised and bleeding.  What can be done?

A number of weeks ago, I wrote an article, "He's Driving Me Crazy!  When Little Things Become Big".  This article is the flipside of the coin.  What do we do when "little" things which we have, or have not, done, become "big" to him?

I've noticed that there are 4 Steps We're Tempted to Take that will lead to certain destruction. I've also found at least 8 Steps that will lead to Healing Wounds and Restoring the Minefield of Marriage to a Field of Beauty.  Let me share them with you here.

Steps We're Tempted To Take
That Lead To Certain Destruction

• Anger and Bitterness

Oh, how easy it is to become bitter!  Fight it in God's strength, with all your might. Speak out loud these words: I will trust God. I will obey. I will forgive and I will love my husband.  "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God: lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." Hebrews 12:14-15

• Thinking of His Faults (see taking your thoughts captive, below)
• Taking Revenge

What does God say? Don't give back evil for evil.  "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."  'Giving place' means stepping out of the way of the wrath of God coming down!  You don't want the wrath of God coming on you, because you are taking revenge--Get out of the way! If there's wrath coming down, let it hit the target! Let God take vengeance, if there's any to be taken.  (This is not wishing my spouse to "get it" from God, though.)

• Giving Up

Satan wants us to just get tired of trying, to give up.  We are in a spiritual battle. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy, and marriage and family is a favorite target.  Be strong and of good courage and don't give up!

Steps That Lead To Healing Wounds and
Restoring Your Marriage To A Field Of Beauty

• Like a drowning man, cry out (to the Lord), and look UP, for help.

You will be tempted to look for help from every other source. You will be tempted to look within yourself, to be introspective, to have a "pity-party"--fight the urge. Cry out to God: if you don't know how or what to pray, or if you're too hurt or angry to pray, just cry, "Help!" He's there.

• Take your thoughts captive; resist the devil and he will flee from you.

This is so important.  Actions follow thoughts. Satan will tempt partners in even the best marriages to hear thoughts such as, "Just walk away. You don't have to put up with this", etc. Put those thoughts away--you have power over your thoughts.  To be tempted in this way is not sin, but it is sin to let these thoughts in, and to dwell on these thoughts, and let them set up residency in your heart and mind.  Discipline your mind to think on truth, and what God says.  Choose righteousness, and you do what is right, without regard to what anyone else is doing. Be strong and vigilant in this area. It is so important.

• Pray for your adversary/enemy/attacker/offender.

Now that he is hurt, he is hurting back, and you feel offended back. You feel attacked.  Be the first to seek peace.  Pray for him.

• Think of what their needs might be and have compassion; show mercy.

Is it possible that he is under special pressure at work?  What happened today or this week?  Might there be things you don't even know about that are beating him up, making him feel like a failure and causing him to question his manhood or his ability to provide for his family? Might this not even have anything to do with you, but be a hurt man lashing out? Does he especially need your love and support right now?

• Treat your spouse as you would want to be treated.

How would you want to be treated right now? When things are really bugging you, and/or you get upset, how do you want him to respond? Now is the time to show the love of Christ (who loved us when we despised him, even dying for us).  The Golden Rule: "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:  for this is the law and the prophets." Matthew 7:12

• Fill your mind and heart with truth.

Quote appropriate Scripture to yourself.  Open your Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13 (the Love Chapter).  Read Ephesians 5! and Galatians 5:22-23 about the fruit of the Spirit.  Remember Proverbs 18:17: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." And Proverbs 31:26: "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness." This is the moment to be the woman worthy of your children rising up and calling you blessed someday. Be an example of how to take reproaches, and criticism, and how to handle tensions and strife.  Your children are watching. Read 1 John 3, especially verse 18.

• Throw out the trash.  Do what is right; confess your sins.
• Purify yourself.  Apply Scripture.  Examine yourself, not him.

1 John 3:1-3: "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God:  therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.  Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be:  but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as He is pure." God is perfect. We are not responsible for others' actions, but we are responsible for our reactions. Look within. Don't think about how he has to change. What does God want to change in you? Why did God allow this. Is there any truth in what he says? Anything God wants to change in you through this? This takes a lot of humbling yourself, but remember,

"He giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.  Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.  Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye doubleminded." James 4:6-8

Purpose to do today that which will be a step to setting right the thing that has caused the most friction.  Do it for the Lord, who deserves much more than this.  Do what is right. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

God is developing in you a "message" and giving you a ministry, which will help other women in the future.  Wives everywhere around you are searching for the answers to their marital problems.  How God helps you now will become truth lived out in your life, which He then will use to help others.  Learn the lessons well.  God bless you.

Love and Marriage Series: How To Build Up Your Marriage When You're Busy With Babies (and other Littlees)

 

 These are the results of a very unscientific poll of couples (mostly moms) on the question,

"How do you build up and strengthen your relationship as a couple
when you're so busy with small children?"

I asked seven or eight moms to share. Here are their answers.

Lisa (mother of 11, aged 17 to 1):

Communication

• Fun way to do this is to take a quick errand together; I don't HAVE to go, but sometimes choose to so we can talk without interruption.
• Sometimes I set a different table for my husband and I -- apart from where the children are eating so we can talk *by ourselves*

Date Night

• My husband makes it a priority for us to get out regularly. We hardly ever do anything fancy or expensive; it's just fun to get away / make use of a peaceful car ride / have fun together.

Shoulder to Shoulder time

• My husband likes this!!!  Sometimes I get a bit fidgety; seems like I should be doing something productive instead of just watching him work on the car, etc.....but he seems to value this time!  (I don't do this enough....)

Additional note from Lisa:

One evening recently I had gotten a DVD from the library and we were planning to watch it together.  It turned out that he had a lot of emails that he needed to respond to that evening.  I made us some tea and I typed out the emails for him which was actually fun; it was a good way to catch up on how his work is going, etc.

Carolyn (mother of 7, three of whom are older, and two of those are married. She regularly babysits for her 3 grandchildren, aged 5 and under, as well as takes care of her 4 younger children: a boy who is 9, and three girls, adopted from Liberia,  who are 9, 6 and 3):

What is important? "Be unified in your beliefs and what your roles are as parents--how you're raising your children (including discipline).  "Couch Time" every day, after dinner.  Regular dates. And (giggling) a sense of humor!"

Whitney (aged 21, mom of 2 under the age of 2):

"Early bedtimes for the children, so you have time together as a couple. We try to get them to bed by 8:30 p.m., then we have an hour and a half together."

Kris (mom of 8, one in heaven, aged 21 down to 7):

"Keep short accounts.  By that I mean, spend time together each day--no matter what! Even if it's only a few minutes, to talk to each other. Drop everything when he comes home and meet him at the door. I've recently realized how important that is."

Emily (aged 25, mom of 3 little girls, aged 4, 2 and baby):

(with her cute little giggle) "We write (love) notes on the whiteboard to each other!  We wait until the other notices, then we wipe them off and write another one back."

April (mom of 10, aged 18 down to 1):

What's important? "Communication and prayer.  Time every morning." (Laughing she says, "that's when we're the freshest!") "And prayer together." (How often? Maybe every week?). "Date nights." (How often do you do that: Every week or every other week.) "Oh, and we take walks together."

Vijaya (mom of 3, 2 boys and a girl, under 5):

"We spend time talking a lot when they're playing quietly.  I prepare a meal for just the 2 of us to eat together, when they're interested in something and focused on it.  Or we sit on the sofa and talk (with their littlest with them, and the older off playing together) because she's still little and doesn't understand what we're saying, and we can talk about anything (laughing)." She prefers to just stay home and make something special, because, "When we go out, 'half of our minds stay home' anyway!"

"I like to make a separate meal and make it special and nice, (gesturing with her hands how she arranges things). Or eat at a separate time. And we sit and talk.  I will get a movie for the children, one that anyone could see, G, and then get one for us, and we're enjoying doing things more together, more as buddies."

So...

What do you do that builds up and strengthens your marriage?

Love and Marriage Series: Courtship Stories: David and Briana

I am thrilled, today, to introduce you to this wonderful couple as we begin the second Courtship Story in our Love and Marriage Series. This is a fun one indeed!  (Did you miss the first one? Go back and read the Courtship Story of Chase and Sarah.)  Well, David and Briana are a couple that, honestly, I didn't know if they were going to get together, though I was sure they were God's will for one another!  In fact, I had been on my knees praying for David, (that's part of another long story), and the Lord impressed on my heart and mind that Briana was the one for him.  I immediately thought, "Of course! Why didn't I think of that? Lord, You're wonderful!" From that time on, I prayed earnestly for them to someday marry.  When Briana called one Sunday morning before church to tell me that they were courting and going to announce it that day (she didn't want me to hear it through the grapevine), I screamed into the phone with excitement!!  We had company at the breakfast table who must have thought I was crazy.  But God is still in the business of bringing a woman to a man--just as He brought Eve to Adam--and He says, "It is very good."  I am so happy that David and Briana are sharing their Courtship Story here and I know that you'll be blessed by them and what God has so graciously done in their lives!

Faith's Firm Foundation:  Please tell us a little about yourselves!

David and Briana:

David and I will have been married for 4 years in May.  We have two fun and energetic boys, Clayton, 3, and Connor, 20 months.  David and I were both raised in Christian homes by wonderful parents.  David is the oldest of 11 children.  He has 9 brothers (one went to be with the Lord in 1997) and 1 sister.  I am the second-born of 7 children.  I have 5 brothers (one went to be with the Lord before he was born) and 1 sister.

 
Faith's Firm Foundation:  Before you were courting and married, did you strive to "keep your heart" for the one you would someday marry? How? Or what things did you do?

Briana:

This is a tough question.  This was something that I struggled with.  My parents really stressed the importance of not flirting with boys.  I didn't really understand or think that it was a big deal.  When I was 17 or 18, the Lord really got a hold of my heart and I wanted to trust and honor my parents in this area.  I am so grateful that the Lord changed my heart!  I know that it has only benefited my marriage today.  We also did a lot of things either as families or with siblings (example: my brother and I would do things with other sets of brothers and sisters. This made for a safe environment--no pressure for pairing up.)  Most of our friends at the time, who were around our ages, had the same mind-set and goals in life.  Most of us were courtship-minded and committed to serving the Lord and waiting on Him.   I really feel that this positive peer pressure was a big help for me!

David:  

My parents instilled in us the importance of waiting until we were ready to be married before thinking about a girl.  By being ready, they meant being prepared, such as; being done with school, having a job that could provide for a family, being emotionally and spiritually mature.  This was freeing for me, knowing that I didn't need to "impress" someone.  It also saved me from the pressures and heartaches of "going-out" and "breaking up."  During this time I was able to focus on helping my family and serving the Lord through children's ministries (church Sunday School, missions trips--local and overseas, and AWANA).  The Lord used this time to strengthen my relationship with Him.

FFF:  What things helped you during the years between graduation and courting?  How did you, and/or your parents, prepare (you) for marriage as you were growing up--or did you/they?

Briana: 

 I don't exactly remember when this was (before or after graduation) but my family was going through the catechism.  The first question in there is, "What is the chief purpose of man?" The answer is, "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."  That gave me a new lease on life.  I knew my purpose, it was to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  I can remember having such a feeling of freedom and relief.  No matter what season in life I was in, I had a purpose.

"I knew my purpose,
it was to glorify God and enjoy Him forever"

My parents taught me life- and home-skills but not with the sole purpose of "preparing me for marriage."  It was more preparing me for life:  they were things I needed to know whether I married or not.  Marriage was not a major push or focus in our home.  We knew marriage was a great and wonderful thing and yes, something to desire (desiring marriage is God-given).  I really appreciate the fact that my parents didn't make us feel like it was our main purpose in life.

I was involved in a girls' Bible Study with 3 other friends.  It was a great time to grow in my walk and relationship with the Lord.  I mentioned before that my parents really encouraged us to serve the Lord.  We went to a church in the inner-city of Minneapolis.  I helped out with the Children's Ministry there.  After I graduated, I did anything and everything to stay busy with that.  I enjoyed it so much!  I also had opportunities to travel and teach children the importance of character and teach them about Jesus and the Bible.  These were precious years in my life.  A quote that I absolutely love is, "Run as hard as you can towards God. When you see someone running beside you, take a second look!"

FFF:  Tell us the story of "how it all began". 

Briana:

David and I have known each other for 23 years.  Many years ago, when my parents became Christians, David's parents were their first Sunday School teachers.  When I was old enough to "know" them, they had moved about 45 minutes from us, and our families would get together only about once or twice a year.  David is almost 5 years older than me, so we didn't really hang-out together.

In 1999 both of our families moved to within 5 minutes of each other.  We would do things together as families, or with siblings.  Because our families grew up together and had known each other for so long, people would always match me up with a Tiemann.  To which I would reply something like this, "I will never marry a Tiemann and especially not David."  This was for no specific reason--I just have the personality that if someone expects me to do something, I do the opposite (not a trait I am always proud of.)

What makes you think that he would look your way now?

Well, the Lord had different plans.  In January of 2005, the Lord started to change my heart.  All of a sudden I started thinking about David and even liking him more than just a friend.  Oh, boy, this really scared me.  I didn't know what to do, but the Lord prompted me to talk to my mom.  I told her kind of round about, and she sent me to Dad.  This was a scary step for me.  I had never told my Dad that I "liked" someone before.  I remember this day like it was yesterday.  In my family, any time that we were "in trouble" or needed to talk with Dad, we would "meet" in my parents bedroom.  My Dad would sit in a chair and we would sit on their bed.  My heart was beating so fast as I told my Dad about my feelings.  He listened and then brought me back to reality.  He said something along these lines, "Don't expect anything to EVER happen.  He is 5 years older than you.  You have known each other for a long time.  What makes you think that he would look your way now?  This is my advice, don't treat him any different than you do now.  Focus on your relationship with the Lord and continue serving Him."  He then asked me if I wanted the Lord to move in David's heart or did I want to be the one that flirted and "moved" David's heart.  That stuck with me.  I really did want the Lord to bring us together, if that was His will.  I didn't ever want to live with the lingering thought that maybe I flirted enough to "catch him."  We then prayed together and I was determined to put David out of my mind.  

"I was determined

to put David out of my mind"

Dad told me that he was always available to talk, but he wasn't going to bring it up so as not to cause me to dwell on David.  I then went straight up to my room to work on my Bible Study.  The study that I was working on at the time was in 1 and 2 Samuel and 1 and 2 Kings.  So I opened my study book and my Bible and what would I be reading about? King David!  Well, so much for putting him out of my mind! This was going to be harder than I thought!
 
Please return next Monday to the Love and Marriage Series' Courtship Stories, when we'll continue by hearing how Briana succeeded, (or didn't) at getting David out of her mind!

Love and Marriage Series: Courtship Stories: Chase and Sarah (Part 3)

(Please enjoy Chase and Sarah's Courtship Story Part 1 and Courtship Story Part 2!)

The Engagement

On our 8-month anniversary, Chase got permission to take me out on a date. I was very excited about it. He took me to dinner at my favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. Afterwards, he drove to a county park where he had hired a horse-drawn carriage to take us for a ride around the park. Inside the carriage was a basket filled with some of my favorite snacks and roses. After a little while of riding in the carriage, Chase got down on one knee, pulled a ring out of his pocket and asked me if I would marry him. I said yes. We came home to find both families gathered at my familyʼs house ready to celebrate and hear the story. Obviously, everyone was sure of my answer. It was a very special night, and I was so happy!

How long was our engagement? Our engagement was about 15 months. We were engaged in June, and I really wanted to get married in the fall (my favorite season). So, if that was going to happen, our engagement would be either 3-4 months or 15-16 months. 3-4 months seemed super fast, and I didnʼt want to breeze through this very special time of my life, so I leaned towards setting the date for the following fall.  Originally that seemed like a long time, especially as we were both (and had been) so sure of each other. At the time, we decided to each sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of waiting 15 months to get married.
This is what we came up with:

Chase:
Pros:
1. Iʼll have less financial pressure
2. It gives us more time to decide on housing
3. It gives the girl of my dreams the wedding of her dreams
4. It forces us to build a strong relationship before having children become a part of that
5. We would learn genuine love through having to wait.

Cons:
1. If I buy an existing house soon, it could be tough to own and not live there
2. It involves lots of driving (to be with each other).

Sarah:
Pros:
1. Chase will have more time to save for the future and start out with a smaller debt
2. I will have more time to learn the skills of a Proverbs 31 woman
3. We will learn to live out the test of genuine love: “Genuine love can always wait to give; lust cannot wait to get”
4. We will draw closer to the Lord through learning patience and be able to bring that into our relationship
5. We will learn to work through problems and have a deeper and closer relationship coming into the marriage. We will be making a commitment based on a greater understanding of what weʼre committing to
6. It will strengthen our communication skills
7. Weʼll be able to enjoy the time of engagement: the fun and details of planning the wedding and taking time to look for housing. There will be greater availability of everything involved in the wedding planning because weʼll be planning ahead.
8. I will be able to experience my dream of a wedding and anniversaries in the fall, my favorite season; and there will be less threat of rain, snow, heat, and other bad weather.
9. It gives my parents time to save and budget for the costs of the wedding.

Cons:
1. We will need to set protective guidelines for ourselves, which may be inconvenient for ourselves and others.
2. We will experience outside pressure from others and spiritual pressure from the Enemy who does not want God to be glorified through our relationship.

Budget

One other thing we worked on during our engagement was reading through a book by Larry Burkett on budgeting, for young couples. It was excellent! After going through it, Chase worked on a budget based on his income. He brought it to me, and we went over it together. He also talked it over with my dad. It was great to establish a budget before getting married, and Chase started practicing using the budget, as it applied, before we were married. I would highly recommend this book!

The M&M Jar

On one of our month anniversaries (of our courtship/engagement), I gave Chase a jar filled with peanut M&Ms, 1 for each day counting down to the wedding day. On the day of our wedding, he ate the last M&M and was able to open the small box I had placed on the bottom of the jar. Inside the box was my purity ring with a note:

“To you I give this ring,

this ring which is a symbol,

a symbol of my commitment;

my commitment to you before I ever knew you,

a symbol of my love;

my love before I loved you,

a symbol of my honor;

my honor before I would honor you,

a symbol of my purity;

for I have kept myself pure for you.

To you I give this ring,

which is now replaced with another.

One symbolized commitment, love, honor

and purity to the unknown;

one symbolizes commitment, love, honor

and purity to you.

Chase, to you, this day I give myself.

Forever Yours,

Sarah

I had gotten this idea from another girl, who had used regular M&Ms, but I used peanut M&Ms because I knew they were a favorite of Chaseʼs.

To answer the question as to how old we were: When we started courting, Chase was 20 and I was 22. When we got married, Chase was 22 and I was 24. 

Thank you for letting us share our courtship story! This is a special story God has given us, and we love to share it! Our story is OUR story, and we know that God has a different story for everyone. He is so creative, and we love to hear all the different ways He weaves a “love story”. Though this time in our lives was full of great memories it was also one of the most trying and testing times of our lives. There were battles to be fought around every corner and many moments (sometimes days in a row) full of tears and struggles within us. But we can see now that it was those “strong winds” that gave our relationship deep roots and were foundational to building a strong marriage.  The storms will always eventually come, and we were blessed to experience so many “storms” before our marriage! In our few years of marriage we have faced many storms, but the storms have only made our marriage stronger and our love for each other deeper. We thank the Lord for the story He gave us and the story He is continuing to work out in our lives! Praise be to God!

"He's Driving Me Crazy!" When The Little Things Become Big

Are there things that "really bug you"?  A lot of things?  Growing up, my mom used to tell me to not let things bother me so much:  "Honey-Child, If you're going to spend your whole life letting every little thing get to you, you're going to be a pretty miserable person."  She would reminisce that she had been just like me, but had been forced to learn the hard way to not let things bother her so much. When she got older, she'd had to go through "big things", hard things. (My mother, while in her 20's, lost her husband at Christmastime and then her 4-year-old son just a few months later, leaving her with a 2-year-old daughter and no money. Later, after marrying my dad, they experienced years of sickness, daily hospital visits and trauma, during my oldest sister's battle with kidney disease, during which time both of my mom's parents passed away, and then a year later, my sister.)  These experiences, and many more, had taught her that the little things that she used to get upset about were really not worth getting upset over.

Last week we were talking to a newlywed couple, R and T, who've been married 8 months and are expecting their first child in a few months. We hadn't had a chance to talk to them since their marriage, and so I took the opportunity to ask them how their adjustment had been going. We were talking about little things that couples have to adjust to in their marriage.  You know, those little irritating habits that the other person has!  I told them about a Christian couple I'd read about years ago who really had issues with this. The fact that he put the toilet-paper roll on the "wrong" way just drove her crazy!  She wrote humorously about the little things that they each did which drove the other crazy, but I wondered whether they still weren't a problem. Later, I read that they'd ended up divorcing. How sad! There must have been other problems, but I wonder how much these daily irritations which they never resolved contributed to the distruction of their marriage. It's sad when something so little becomes so big.  We were having a good-natured conversation, so, I asked R and T if they have any little things like that in their marriage. T openly shared that he has a thing about rolling the toothpaste tube up from the bottom, not squeezing it in the middle.  But easy-going R has no problem complying. (Good thing:)  He is also an "early bird" like my husband, and likes to hit the road early--we're talking 3:30 or 4:00 a.m.--when driving on a road trip. Leaving "a little later" and taking it easy might mean leaving at 8:00.  I could totally relate, not because I am that way, but because my husband is exactly like that!  Which used to drive me crazy!

I used to, as I said, have lots of these "little irritations"!  It "drove me crazy" when my husband would put the toilet paper roll on upside down.  It "drove me crazy" when he would drop his socks on the floor next to the bed at night.  It "drove me crazy" when he would leave a cupboard door open, or leave the medicine-cabinet door just an inch open. So close to shut, but not quite!  It absolutely "drove me crazy" when he would leave little hairs in the sink after trimming his beard.  I can laugh about these now, but they were no laughing matter early in our marriage!  I share these with you, because, I had to really think about what used to "drive me crazy"!  Praise the Lord, He has done a work in me, and gets all the glory, because these things don't bother me now! And frankly, when they stopped being such an irritation to me, I think Satan realized he wasn't going to gain any ground on this, and my husband has stopped doing most of them.

I can remember when we were in our first years of marriage, and it was actually a serious issue to me that he left his socks on the floor every night.  Every morning I would seethe with bitterness over having to pick up those socks!  What did he think I was? His servant?  How big a deal is it to drop your dirty socks in the laundry hamper?  After awhile, I became aware of my attitude.  I had a major problem.  I don't remember whether I came to the Lord, or if He came to me, but God gave me a good "talkin-to".  The gist of it went like this:

"If it's such a little thing for him to do, why can't you do it?

You say you love him, why do you chafe about showing it through serving?

I have shown you the example of Servanthood--washing My disciples' feet just before I went to the cross and died for you--I call you to follow Me.

What will you do for Me? Will you not do even this small thing?

You are bitter over a very little thing. I have done so much for you--won't you do this little thing for Me?

When you serve him, you are serving Me. By showing love for him, you show that you love Me. Love is dying to self. Surrender this to me. You can trust Me. I love you."

"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar:

for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen,

how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"  1 John 4:20

I was sure I was the more "loving" of the two of us. Yet, the Holy Spirit was saying through my conscience, "How can you say you're loving, and feel so self-righteous, when you're acting this way?  Will you let your marriage be affected over a pair of socks?"
God prompted, and I decided, to associate "Love and Gratitude" to that action.  I needed to make a different association and meaning out of it.  Every day when I picked up those socks, I would think how much I loved my husband, and how grateful I was that I had the privilege of picking up his socks, and I would say, "Thank you, Lord, for my husband and for these socks! I love you, Lord!"  I did it for the Lord.
Well, I don't remember when it happened.  Some time later, I was picking up the socks and realized:  This doesn't bother me at all!  I couldn't even remember, though I searched my heart, how it felt to be bothered by that little thing.  Well, that was many years ago.  Through the years there have been many "little things" that have bothered each of us. This is one of Satan's favorite areas to aim at in attacking marriages.  He will keep on bringing up new little irritations, so you should never think you've "arrived" at perfection in this.  But, there is hope for victory.  With God, all things are possible!

1 John 4:7-21--"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 13 Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. 15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. 16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 19 We love him, because he first loved us. 20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also."

Look for an upcoming post on "The Flip-Side of Irritations: When I Irritate Him!" or "How to Stay Married When It Feels Like Monday All the Time"