"He's Driving Me Crazy!" When The Little Things Become Big

Are there things that "really bug you"?  A lot of things?  Growing up, my mom used to tell me to not let things bother me so much:  "Honey-Child, If you're going to spend your whole life letting every little thing get to you, you're going to be a pretty miserable person."  She would reminisce that she had been just like me, but had been forced to learn the hard way to not let things bother her so much. When she got older, she'd had to go through "big things", hard things. (My mother, while in her 20's, lost her husband at Christmastime and then her 4-year-old son just a few months later, leaving her with a 2-year-old daughter and no money. Later, after marrying my dad, they experienced years of sickness, daily hospital visits and trauma, during my oldest sister's battle with kidney disease, during which time both of my mom's parents passed away, and then a year later, my sister.)  These experiences, and many more, had taught her that the little things that she used to get upset about were really not worth getting upset over.

Last week we were talking to a newlywed couple, R and T, who've been married 8 months and are expecting their first child in a few months. We hadn't had a chance to talk to them since their marriage, and so I took the opportunity to ask them how their adjustment had been going. We were talking about little things that couples have to adjust to in their marriage.  You know, those little irritating habits that the other person has!  I told them about a Christian couple I'd read about years ago who really had issues with this. The fact that he put the toilet-paper roll on the "wrong" way just drove her crazy!  She wrote humorously about the little things that they each did which drove the other crazy, but I wondered whether they still weren't a problem. Later, I read that they'd ended up divorcing. How sad! There must have been other problems, but I wonder how much these daily irritations which they never resolved contributed to the distruction of their marriage. It's sad when something so little becomes so big.  We were having a good-natured conversation, so, I asked R and T if they have any little things like that in their marriage. T openly shared that he has a thing about rolling the toothpaste tube up from the bottom, not squeezing it in the middle.  But easy-going R has no problem complying. (Good thing:)  He is also an "early bird" like my husband, and likes to hit the road early--we're talking 3:30 or 4:00 a.m.--when driving on a road trip. Leaving "a little later" and taking it easy might mean leaving at 8:00.  I could totally relate, not because I am that way, but because my husband is exactly like that!  Which used to drive me crazy!

I used to, as I said, have lots of these "little irritations"!  It "drove me crazy" when my husband would put the toilet paper roll on upside down.  It "drove me crazy" when he would drop his socks on the floor next to the bed at night.  It "drove me crazy" when he would leave a cupboard door open, or leave the medicine-cabinet door just an inch open. So close to shut, but not quite!  It absolutely "drove me crazy" when he would leave little hairs in the sink after trimming his beard.  I can laugh about these now, but they were no laughing matter early in our marriage!  I share these with you, because, I had to really think about what used to "drive me crazy"!  Praise the Lord, He has done a work in me, and gets all the glory, because these things don't bother me now! And frankly, when they stopped being such an irritation to me, I think Satan realized he wasn't going to gain any ground on this, and my husband has stopped doing most of them.

I can remember when we were in our first years of marriage, and it was actually a serious issue to me that he left his socks on the floor every night.  Every morning I would seethe with bitterness over having to pick up those socks!  What did he think I was? His servant?  How big a deal is it to drop your dirty socks in the laundry hamper?  After awhile, I became aware of my attitude.  I had a major problem.  I don't remember whether I came to the Lord, or if He came to me, but God gave me a good "talkin-to".  The gist of it went like this:

"If it's such a little thing for him to do, why can't you do it?

You say you love him, why do you chafe about showing it through serving?

I have shown you the example of Servanthood--washing My disciples' feet just before I went to the cross and died for you--I call you to follow Me.

What will you do for Me? Will you not do even this small thing?

You are bitter over a very little thing. I have done so much for you--won't you do this little thing for Me?

When you serve him, you are serving Me. By showing love for him, you show that you love Me. Love is dying to self. Surrender this to me. You can trust Me. I love you."

"If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar:

for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen,

how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"  1 John 4:20

I was sure I was the more "loving" of the two of us. Yet, the Holy Spirit was saying through my conscience, "How can you say you're loving, and feel so self-righteous, when you're acting this way?  Will you let your marriage be affected over a pair of socks?"
God prompted, and I decided, to associate "Love and Gratitude" to that action.  I needed to make a different association and meaning out of it.  Every day when I picked up those socks, I would think how much I loved my husband, and how grateful I was that I had the privilege of picking up his socks, and I would say, "Thank you, Lord, for my husband and for these socks! I love you, Lord!"  I did it for the Lord.
Well, I don't remember when it happened.  Some time later, I was picking up the socks and realized:  This doesn't bother me at all!  I couldn't even remember, though I searched my heart, how it felt to be bothered by that little thing.  Well, that was many years ago.  Through the years there have been many "little things" that have bothered each of us. This is one of Satan's favorite areas to aim at in attacking marriages.  He will keep on bringing up new little irritations, so you should never think you've "arrived" at perfection in this.  But, there is hope for victory.  With God, all things are possible!

1 John 4:7-21--"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 13 Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world. 15 Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God. 16 And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 17 Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 19 We love him, because he first loved us. 20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also."

Look for an upcoming post on "The Flip-Side of Irritations: When I Irritate Him!" or "How to Stay Married When It Feels Like Monday All the Time"

Quote of the Day from Richard Baxter's "The Folly of Trying to Please Men"

"Remember that the holiest saints or apostles could never please the world, nor escape their censures, slanders, and cruelties, no, nor Jesus Christ himself. And can you think by honest means to please them better than Christ and all his saints have done? You have not the wisdom that Christ had to please men, and to avoid offence. You have not the perfect innocency and unblamableness that Christ had, you cannot heal their sicknesses and infirmities, and do that good to them to please and win them, as Jesus Christ did; you cannot convince them, and constrain them to reverence you by manifold miracles, as Jesus Christ did. Can you imitate such an excellent pattern as is set you by the holy, patient charitable, unwearied apostle Paul? Acts xx.; 1 Cor. iv. ix.; 2 Cor. iv. v. vi. x. xi. xii. If you cannot, how can you please them that would not be pleased by such unimitable works of love and power? The more Paul "loved"some of his hearers, "the less he was beloved," 2 Cor. xii. 15. They used him "as an enemy for telling them the truth," Gal. iv. 16. Though he "became all things to all men," he could "save but some," nor "please but some," I Cor. ix. 22. And what are you that you should better please them?"

(http://www.puritansermons.com/baxter/baxter9.htm)

Thankful Thursday: Transparency

Thanks, Iris, at Grace Alone, for hosting this month!

Please visit to participate and to read other thankful hearts! 

 
Today is Thankful Thursday, and I am so grateful to God for the leading and conviction that He gives through the indwelling Holy Spirit. God is working in me right now--I know because there's a deep stirring in my heart--and I'm so aware of His presence. But I'm also aware that He's working on and in me, well...do you ever hear a speaker on the radio and the Lord brings their message to mind over and over in subsequent days and you're still thinking about how God wants to apply it in your life? Then you read a devotional, and somehow it ties in, then you read a Bible passage in your quiet time, and God causes you to cry out to Him in prayer. All the time, you feel that all of these are related and God is moving. I am deeply grateful for this work of the Holy Spirit in me.
 

There's a challenging post over at Faithful Bloggers on transparency in blogging. (Don't tune out if you're not a blogger, because it will apply to anyone who talks.)  I left a comment, but then realized it was really a post, so I share it with you here. This is near and dear to my heart. As Christians, how much, and what should we share? This applies whether we are writing a blog, talking with a friend over coffee, or whatever situation we are in where we are sharing details of our personal life. So, please read the post, and here are some of my thoughts on the subject.

"Great post. It really is a lie, if we project a whole different persona on our blog. There's nothing 'Christian' about it. We need to be women of integrity, but also not hypocritical. But here's where, for me, it becomes a 'fine line'. We are not called to share every little detail of our lives, undiscerningly, in an attempt to be 'real'. We are told to think on what is lovely, true, of good report, etc.(Philippians 4:8) and that includes what we say and cause others to think about on our blog. We have a responsibility to our readers, not to cause them to read what will not be edifying (building them up). If my "honesty" and "transparency" defiles, encourages others to lower their standards of holiness, or excuse sin, then I am causing others to stumble. Yes, I fail miserably, sin regularly, let myself and others down, but is it going to help, or hurt, another's Christian walk to share it? I am finding it increasingly important to ask the Lord, 'Should I share this? Is it necessary to reveal this? What do you want me to say? Will it help another or am I just making myself feel better about acting in an unChristlike way, or doing that stupid thing, by sharing it with someone else? Am I looking for comfort from others by hearing them say, 'Oh, yeah, I do that, too'? (Then I must not be so bad, after all?)'
I mention all these things because I struggle with this issue--when to share, what to share, how much detail to go into, what is edifying, what is defiling. I want to be above reproach. To have/keep a "good name" (Prov. 22:1) I don't want to ever bring the Lord's Name into reproach, or sully it. For me, it's not only being transparent that's important, but my motives. Putting forward a 'persona' may be to make myself look better, but 'telling all' may be to cause others to like me, and get more comments, 'friends' or whatever. I have given my blog to the Lord. I pray that He is always glorified by it, and that I would speak as He would speak, and live in such a way, that what I say and what I do are one.
Blessings,
Wendy @ Faith's Firm Foundation"
A couple of other thoughts occurred to me after posting this comment: I think it's important also to remember to be loyal to our families:  husbands, of course, but also, our children. Sometimes we feel free, as moms, to tell the most embarrassing stories about our children, as though they have no feelings. I have been guilty of this, and God's convicted me.

Perhaps this is more of an issue for people like me: really "out there" and open, honest (sometimes to a fault), wanting to see others' lives changed by Christ and so sharing some of my sins in an effort (consciously or unconsciously) to encourage others to examine their own lives for sin and repent of it, and grow in Christ.

I'm very thankful to the Lord today that He not only leads and convicts me, but gives me the power to do something about it, when I hear Him saying, "This way. Here's what you need to do."

Becoming A Titus 2 Woman: What Does It Mean To Be Reverent

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5

Today, at Becoming Titus 2 in 2010, we're looking at what it means to be "reverent" (or "sober").  Wow, this has been an incredibly "meaty" study.  Though this is long, will you stick with me, and allow me to share what the Lord has been teaching me? It will be encouraging by the end, so hang in there.

1. This is supernatural.
2. It's to be taught.
3. It can be learned.
4. We "older" women aren't "perfect" at it, just have had more practice learning it.
5. When we don't demonstrate this quality, the Word of God is blasphemed, (or can be). 
6. Like everything else in our walk with the Lord, we need Him desperately, and only by His grace can we even begin to do this.

The first challenge, how to find out what "reverent" or "sober" means. Well, to begin, a word study is in order. Looking up "sober" led me to "temperate" which led me to (not having) "passion"--read on:

1. … habitually temperate 3. Not mad or insane; not wild, visionary or heated with passion; having the regular exercise of cool dispassionate reason. (not) tempestuous and blustering. 4. Regular; calm; not under the influence of passion; as sober judgment; a man in his sober senses. 2. Cool; calm; not marked with passion; not violent  5. (Not displaying passion, as it's defined by:) Violent agitation or excitement of mind, particularly such as is occasioned by an offense, injury or insult; hence, violent anger.

Sometimes it's easier to see what something is, by noting what it is not.  Studying the word sober, (with its synonym "temperate" which related to not having "passion" as defined above), I couldn't help but notice that a sober, reverent woman was not marked by "fits" and outbursts and anger and violent outrage. She's even-keeled, able to make "cool-headed" (and I would add, Biblical) decisions, she's not harboring bitterness, not "flying off the handle".  She isn't a storm moving around the house or erupting (tempestuous and blustering).  She is, in a word, calm.

From the Bible, what it doesn't mean:
A quick and cursory look at the lives of leading Bible characters tells us that being reverent/sober doesn't mean sitting quietly in a chair, never having any strong feelings or emotions.
The Lord brought David, a "man after God's own heart", and verses such as these, to mind as examples:

"The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. 5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. 6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears."Ps. 18:4-6
He prays in his calamity--"9 Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. 10 For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed."Ps. 31:9-10
A verse that is very dear to me: "Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and He shall hear my voice."Psalm 55:17
"From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. "Ps. 61:2
Ps. 77:2 shows a desperate man--"In the day of my trouble, I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed...I am so troubled that I cannot speak."
(Later in the same psalm he remembers the works of the Lord, all He has done, and says, "Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders." This is key.)

And God Himself exhorts and encourages us: "Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me." Psalm 50:15 

David's prayers, filled with vehement emotion, and injunctions to "cry out" to God, clearly show that God, far from condemning a soul filled with emotion, accepts, no encourages, bringing our deep desires, hurts, and cares to Him.
David was also an example of strong affection for others: deep friendship characterized him.

So, God is not inditing us for feeling deeply within our souls, when He tells us to be reverent and sober (calm).

What being reverent indicates, to me, is what characterizes our outward demeanor.  Please don't be misled. I'm not advocating hypocrisy. What I am saying is that, our outward demeanor should demonstrate the truth of our convictions and faith, that we believe that God is in control, that He is able and mighty, that He loves us, and that we are trusting Him, even though we may be filled with emotions of every kind within.
(I need to include a caveat here: Some of us (women) who are naturally very emotional may need to try to control some of our emotions, not encourage them, so I am not encouraging us to give way to every emotional feeling that we have, but rather acknowledging that there are times in life of great emotion.)

I am to take all those deep feelings, emotions and cares, every burden of my soul, to Him. Leave it there. Trust in Him. Then, I am to act, in an outward expression of faith, calmly and reverently; I am to be ruled by my spirit, not my emotions, and my spirit is to be controlled by the Holy Spirit.  Let me repeat: I am not to be ruled by my emotions, and my outward behavior should demonstrate that.

That is calm, sober, reverent behavior.  We are not to be under the influence of passion, but it does not say we are not to have any passion, meaning fervor and emotion. (There are some passions and emotions which are forbidden as sin. We are told repeatedly in Scripture to Fear not, for instance. And we are told to be anxious for nothing. Fear, anxiety, worry are emotions which we can't make at home in our souls.) Our emotions and responses are to be ordered and controlled by the Spirit. But, obviously, from the example of David, emotions are not sin.

Titus 2:3-5 removes any preconceived notion we may have that reverence is an inborn trait, and natural. It is learned, it can be taught, we can improve in the skill, but it is supernatural. Without Christ, this is impossible. The natural man knows nothing of this "calm," reverent behavior. It is so foreign to the world, that it is one of the traits that will cause people to ask you for a reason of the hope that is within you. When you are mistreated, insulted, abused, and you do not give way to anger. When you remain calm in times of overwhelming circumstances, people will ask you your secret. This is why satan wants us to fail in this area. It is a great testimony to the world. And the way we act, as wives and mothers, greatly influences our family's behavior, especially our children's.

We must cry out to God, for there will be times when we are overwhelmed. There will be times when we are tempted to respond to insult, injury and offense with anger. There are, at times, storms raging in our souls. God, through His Spirit at work in us, is our only hope. He says we can overcome, and so we must make effort every day, but we must know that it is only by His strength that we will be victorious over sin.  Being reverent/sober is a command, not a suggestion, with a dire warning: that the Word of God be not blasphemed.

It is a lie from satan that those outbursts, those fits, those times of giving way to worry, fear and anxiety, those times that "I just lost it", are acceptable and normal.  No, I am sinning. The steps to take in those cases are to confess my sin to God and those I have offended, to ask God for help to change, to commit to steps which will bring a different outcome next time, to spend time in God's Word and in prayer, crying out to God for help and strength.

I will therefore that the younger women...give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 1 Timothy 5:14 (Nor the older women.)

There will be times when we will fail. This is very humbling. But, with the humbling to our souls from failing, from having to ask forgiveness, and from being on my knees before the Lord begging for help, comes grace. God gives grace to the humble.

Remember the saying, "It's not where you're at that counts, but the direction you're going." Let's remember that God is there to help us, and by God's grace, let's go in the right direction.

"Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.  Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.  If thou, Lord, shouldest mark (keep track of) iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in His Word do I hope."  Psalm 130:1

A Prayer of Repentance and Request for God's Help:
"Lord, I am not calm in the worldly sense and often I am not calm in the spiritual sense. I feel things so strongly. I (over)react often. Father, at times I am a storm: tempestuous and blustering. Please forgive me for acting even wildly, at times, and for being given to extreme emotion (extremely agitated and sometimes even angry) in the face of insult, "injury" or offense. Lord, please change me by Your Spirit that I may demonstrate a regularity of calmness, and the ability to exercise cool, dispassionate reason. May I know how to be a woman of stability and sober judgment, that I may demonstrate to a needy world that reverent, sober, calm spirit which You alone can give, that Your Word may not be blasphemed, and I may be a testimony to all of Your grace and love."

Steps to Overcoming Bitterness

Have you ever said to your children, "We should go _________ sometime (to this place or to do that fun thing)?" Have you mused out loud about something that sounded kind of interesting or maybe you'd like to do it someday? Am I being too vague? Well, maybe this scenario sounds familiar: Daddy comes in the door after work and the children run to meet him at the door with excited news, "We're going to go to the Science Museum and then we're going to go get ice cream and Jimmy and Susie are going with us, and..." Mom's brows furrow as she tries to figure out what they are talking about, and then suddenly she remembers: they were talking earlier today about some ideas of fun things to do. But the difference is, Mom thought it was just talk! And they were just Ideas!! But the children thought she had made a promise, and now they will be angry, disappointed, perhaps bitterly so, when she explains that it's not going to happen, at least not in the near future (cost, distance, etc. etc. prohibiting).
In the seminar this week we heard about some of the causes of bitterness and what to do about it if you have let a root of it (bitterness, that is) spring up in your life. I mentioned sometime earlier in another post that people often don't realize that they're bitter. And we often don't realize when we do things that make others bitter (like creating expectations in our children that we never fulfill--and maybe had no intention of fulfilling.) This is convicting to me--is it to you? This can happen not only with our children, but with our husband, and even with other family and friends! The answer isn't to fix their perceptions of what has been said, but to try to fulfill what they think you said, if possible.

But , back to not recognizing bitterness in ourselves: One of the signs that we might have some bitterness is: going over and over in our minds something someone has done that has hurt or offended us. Another sign is, well, let me express how it felt years ago when I, unbeknownst to myself, had become bitter. We all kind of have this little house that's "me." Sometimes the windows are wide open, with a beautiful warm breeze wafting through the open windows, lifting the curtains in jubilation. It felt like I was living emotionally in my little house, but in order to "protect" myself (which I rationalized was perfectly natural and normal) I went around my little house and "closed all the doors and battened down the hatches." I closed all the shutters of all the windows. When you do this you have closed yourself off from the person who offended you, and you think that now you are "safe". But it's dark and lonely and you can't breathe very well in there. And, though you're closing yourself off from the person who offended you, you're also closing yourself off from others as well. What happens little by little is that you become very hard, and cold and unloving and well, more bitter.
In the Seminar, Mr. G. lists four steps to overcoming bitterness (or whatever you call what you are feeling; it took a long time for me to acknowledge that I was bitter)--to simplify this post, however, I will call it bitterness.

1. Confess the sin of bitterness. (or confess to God your deep hurt or how offended you feel--whatever you have been calling it). 1 John 2:9--"He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now." But, "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
2. Ask God to regain surrendered ground. (I will explain how to go about doing this in more detail in an upcoming post.) For now, suffice it to say that when we get bitter we give satan permission to harass or "torment" us and we will have a battle in our soul (our mind, will and emotions) going on . Doubts, fears, depression, surges of anger, pride (I deserve better than this) are some of the things we may be tormented by.

3. Tear down strongholds with truth. Though God has to regain the surrendered ground, we have weapons to fight with to tear down strongholds that satan builds. A stronghold is a false idea from the devil. "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal (like retaliating), but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds." 2 Corinthians 10:4 You will have to fight against the lies that satan tries to tell you if you have let yourself become bitter! The method we use to do this is to build up "towers of truth"! Read God's Word ("Sanctify them through thy truth, thy word is truth" John 17:17), memorize God's Word ("Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." Psalms 119:11), and meditating on God's Word. And thrust that "sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God" in for the kill by repeating God's Word out loud (loudly)! when false ideas come into your mind.

Ephesians 6:11-18 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. (12) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (13) Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. (14) Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; (15) And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; (16) Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. (17) And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: (18) Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

4. Show mercy by forgiving your offender. Obviously, anyone who's been bitter knows this isn't easy. In fact, it's impossible. Unless God gives you the ability to do it. Pray and ask Him to make you want to, first of all, then ask Him to make you able to, and then you need to "go the second mile." I'll tell you that story in my next post. But first, here's some verses that have some "ouch" in them.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: (15) But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:33-35 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? (34) And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. (35) So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31-32