The Attitude Behind My Actions

I went down the stairs loudly, not really on purpose, but if my children heard me, well, good.  I put in the load of wash which I'd asked them to put in the washer and started the machine. Emptying the overfull lint-filter, I thought, "Don't they know better by now?"  Huffing up the stairs, I saw out of the corner of my eye the vacuum cleaner which I'd asked to be put away, still sitting in the hallway.  I marched down the hall, grabbed it and turned, a little too quickly, banging it into the woodwork as I turned.  I felt a sharp prick in my conscience.  If one of my children had done that, I would have told them to be more careful.  Pulling and pushing the heavy and unwieldy object down the hall and around the corner, the Lord began talking to me.  An image appeared in my mind.  Jesus was bending down, washing the disciples' feet.  In my mind's eye, the story played out, as though in a film. Jesus was kneeling in front of one of His disciples.  I noticed that He wasn't moving quickly, or in an exaggerated manner. My heart convicted me.  This little 30-second act of service I was doing for my children was hardly a sacrifice.  It was nothing.  Wasn't I willing to do that service?  I put the vacuum away and closed the door.  Going to the kitchen sink, I rewound the tape of my earlier words.  "Drill sergeant" came to mind.  I'd expected instantaneous response, when I don't respond that way myself.  Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I saw it suddenly in a whole new light.  


You and I know the story well.  Jesus was heading to the cross very shortly.  He must have been feeling a lot of pressure.  Under spiritual attack, no doubt.  He had the weight of the world on His shoulders, definitely. The disciples were acting foolishly.  Proud.  Yes, they should have known better.  They were being immature, selfish, perhaps lazy.  Jesus would have been perfectly within His rights to be completely irritated with them, and to have ordered one of them to get down and start washing (or, at the very least, to join Him in washing feet).  He would have been more than within His rights to give them a good sermon on what He was about to go through for them, and couldn't they show just a little consideration?!  Jesus washed the disciples' feet (a dirty job and one that they should have seen and done themselves). You can almost hear the chorus of "NMJ:  Not My Job" from the disciples.


Jesus did it for them, as mothers often do work that they have asked their children to do, or that their children should have seen and done themselves.  Mothers do much work for their children.  The action of Jesus doing a dirty job isn't what was the point.  Jesus' attitude was.  He didn't do it with resentment, or in a huff.  He showed them the act AND the attitude which He wanted them to emulate. He did it in love.


And He said to go and do likewise.


John 13:13-17--

"Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.
If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet.
For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.
Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them."

Timely Tips on Tuesday: Trip Planning 101

As I've said on more than one occasion, I Love To Travel! I love to fly, drive away, see new places, see new faces.  I subscribe to the old saying, "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet!"  So is a strange land!  For me, part of the excitement of travel is the anticipation of all that we will experience!  Dreaming, researching, discovering... brochures, tour books, and maps all hold fascination for me!  I love the challenge (and my husband trusts me with the responsibility) of planning a trip which will excite each family member and cause them to light up with joy.  I am thrilled to gaze at photos of delightfully decorated rooms in historic homes, now serving as Bed and Breakfasts, and imagine myself staying there! I may never live in a home built a hundred or more years ago, but for a day or two, I can imagine I do!   Deciding between an array of alternatives--places to go, people to see, things to do--what fun it is!  (Unless there are too many altenatives:)  But, normally, for me, planning is pure pleasure!  So, I thought I would share with you my planning procedure. Here is part 1 of how I went about planning our trip to Washington, DC.

Beginning to Plan

• Decide where you're going
• Decide how you're going (fly or drive)

1. Though our destination was Washington, DC, it was a big decision how we would get there!  3 of us wanted to fly, and I had been saving the miles until we had enough to cover the trip, but 1 of us wanted to drive, and that one was very important.  Discussion continued.

• Decide approximately when you're going

1. My husband chose fall.  I looked at the calendar and wanted as much time to plan as possible, feeling very unready, but not wanting it to get really cold, or to be past the beautiful fall colors.  I had a good weather experience going out east in late September/early October on our last trip.  I thought there'd be less crowds in October.  Leave on a Friday, return on a Saturday or Sunday.  Stay 2 weeks. I tentatively chose my dates based on these considerations.  This, too, could be changed, if necessary, as long as we hadn't made any reservations.  I was rewarded in my choice when I read that October was one of the three best months to travel to DC. 

Both of these decisions may change, but you need to have a foundation to begin.
As I began my planning, and being AAA members, I picked up Tourbooks for the area we'd be sightseeing mostly in, and one of the surrounding areas, which hadn't been decided on yet.  I also happened on some maps of the city of Washington, and the Mall, at Barnes and Noble, which I bought.
I stopped in at my local library and checked out their shelves.  I found Fodor's travel book to the area and another gem called, "Washington with Kids" and checked them out.
There were way too many things to do and see for us to see them all! So, I asked the family members to give me their top 3 "must see or must do" choices, since there appeared to be two or three times what we'd have time to see in the area.  (This wasn't very successful early on, but the priorities have been forthcoming as time has passed.)
I started looking at flights, hotels, and rental vehicles online, and getting an idea of costs.
The Planning had begun!

Step 2 in Planning a Trip

• I started a notebook.

1. For me, keeping all the information organized and being able to easily and quickly find the results of my research was extremely important.  I am a notebook kind of gal.  If you prefer keeping your information on the computer, then a file, files or spreadsheet will work well.  I did bookmark many a webpage.
2. In my notebook I included a page for Estimating Expenses, Things To Do Before We Go, Attractions To See While We're There, a makeshift Calendar which covered the days of the vacation, and a page that had contact and other information for each of the places I researched (including the hours a certain museum was open, phone/email, cost to get in, any pertinent information) and where I'd gotten that information (e.g. Tourbook, page 241) so I could find it again.
3. So, I had a page in my notebook for "Things To Do Before We Leave" and included on it things like: Buy new walking shoes and break them in; see our lawyer and update our will:); ask someone to check on our house.  "Things To Do While We're There" included places I already knew about, such as Mt. Vernon (George Washington's Home) but was added to as I discovered new ideas.  This was a long list, and not written in stone.  Later I would prioritize and rate by most-wanted-to-see.  I grouped the items on "Things To Do While We're There" by location, as much as possible.  Doing a number of things in one location would save us time, and save our feet and energy.

• I prioritized the Planning

1. As I read, I kept on seeing encouragements to make reservations for tours, and contact your Congressman, 1-6 months in advance!  I put it on my list of things to do to contact my congressman as soon as I could.
2. I also knew it was important to get flights booked, and hotels reserved.
3. I did research online to find out how long it would take to drive to the area.  Then, as we still had not decided whether to drive or fly, I made two itineraries, one if we drove and one if we flew. We would have 3-4 less days to sightsee in DC if we drove, but if we drove, we could drive through and possibly see things in areas we had not travelled to before. (I quickly realized we had to make the decision whether to fly or drive! As my husband really wanted to drive, I quickly submitted--I really wanted to fly, so the quickness and completeness with which I submitted was definitely a work of the Holy Spirit, and one of those times when you have to look past your husband and see God leading through him, and say, Ok, Lord, there's some reason we're not supposed to fly.  I don't know what it is, but You do, and so, I will accept that.)

Researching

So, Where to stay, What to drive, and Contacting my Congressman were my top priorities.
Once having decided to drive, and knowing how long it would take, I began checking car rentals.  This was another shocking experience!  It was going to cost a lot of money to rent a vehicle to drive that far for that long. I wasn't finding any good news online about car rental or hotel costs. (It's really expensive to stay in DC!) If I had found any hotels or car rental information that sounded good, I would have recorded that in my notebook.  This was becoming serious, though.  I continued to report my findings to my husband, (and my kids) and we discussed the options.

All the way through this process I was praying.  Now, I was praying hard! "Lord, I can't get this all done! There're too many options! What do You want us to do: fly or drive? Where do You want us to stay? It's so expensive, Lord. Please help us find exactly where You want us to stay, and do what You want us to do."

I have found from planning previous trips that I have an objective in taking a particular vacation, but God has an objective, as well.  His objective includes people we will meet that we have no idea about, and "chance happenings" which I could not possibly plan: people we are to tell about Him, situations into which He desires us to bring the presence of the Holy Spirit, people He wants us to pray with and for, and experiences which He will use to mold us and direct us in our future.  I must lay my plans, goals, desires, and objectives in His Hands if I and my family are to be where He wants us, accomplishing His objectives on this trip.

What's A New Wife To Do? (Part 2)

Please return to read "What's A New Wife To Do? (Part 1)".

As Newlyweds, my husband and I had a lot of maturing, generally, to do.  But more than that, we had a lot of maturing in Christ to do.  We were not living as Spirit-filled, Spirit-led Christians.  We were being led by our flesh, and doing what our selfish desires told us.  We were living carnally, as Romans 8 says.

3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

We needed to die to self, and live to Christ.  Many couples come into marriage with a "max amount I'm going to compromise or give" figure in their hearts. I'll come this far, give this much, and no further.  They haven't consciously thought that, but it's there.  The way I know this is that we often hear the question, "Why do I always have to be the one to give in?"  When we find ourselves thinking, "I'm not giving in!  It's his/her turn!" the result is strife, resentment and bitterness. I had to learn to, figuratively, look up and beyond my husband, to Christ, and see that all the "giving in" and "giving up" and "serving" and "submitting" was done to, and for, Christ, though acted out to my husband.  I'm still learning this lesson, and probably will be until I die.

Can I ever serve, or submit to Christ too much?  No matter how much I "sacrifice", it's inconsequential to what Christ did for me! My attitude, not the act, is at the heart of the issue--do I do it willingly and lovingly, or do I do it resentfully, keeping track of every little "sacrifice"? Do I hang on to my "rights", and get angry, or do I surrender all to Christ and become meek like Him?  The attitude is the part I control, and am responsible for, though it still is the Spirit that works in me to do it, and God's Spirit in me is the "oil" that lubricates all the loving acts and attitudes to flow.  This isn't natural, this dying to self and surrendering to God.  It's supernatural! It's only possible if we, first, have given Jesus Christ our lives and control of them.  It's only possible if we surrender daily, and in everything, to His Lordship.  We need to get on our knees and ask for His grace and power to surrender.  "If He's not Lord of All, He's not Lord at All."


Some thoughts from Amy Carmichael's little book, "If--What do I Know of Calvary Love?"
If...

there be any reserve in my giving to Him
who so loved that He gave
His Dearest for me;
if there be a secret "but" in my prayer,
"Anything but that, Lord,"
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If...
something I am asked to do for
another feels burdensome;
if, yielding to an inward unwillingness,
I avoid doing it,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If...
I myself dominate myself,
if my thoughts revolve around myself,
if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have 'a heart at leisure from itself,'
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If...
the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold,
I do not shut the door,
and in the power of Him who
works in us to will and to do,
keep that door shut,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If...
I cannot in honest happiness take the second place
(or the twentieth);
if I cannot take the first without
making a fuss about my unworthiness,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Do I cling to my selfishness, fearing what surrender would bring, when God has only bid me "Come," and will provide what I need once each new step of obedience is taken? What does my hesitancy say about my lack of love and trust of Him? 


We need to surrender to Him all our fears, all our selfish desires, all our rights, (this isn't about our spouse, it's about our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ), and let Him do a mighty work in us.  Our Lord who left His identity of Ruler, Master, Lord and King, and left always having perfect oneness and being in the Presence of His Father, God, to come to earth as a baby, is our example.  Our Lord, who in the Garden of Gethsemane, with heart-wrenching tears and sweating drops of blood, (after He had cried out to God three times, Please isn't there some other way!) said "Not My will, but Thine be done." We need to follow His example, Who in the hour of His deepest need, did the lowliest service to His undeserving, selfish, clueless disciples, by washing their stinky, dirty feet.  We need more love to Him.  We need more of Calvary Love.

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

The Principle of Ownership

     Ok, I'm going to be very vulnerable today.  I'm going to share things with you that aren't very flattering about myself, and I hate to admit them.  But, I think that by doing it, you might be freed from some burden you're carrying, and so, I think it's worth being a little vulnerable with you--worth taking the risk that you'll think I'm a terrible person.  We heard at the Seminar yesterday that when we get angry, it means that someone has just stepped on one of our "rights."  (This is, by the way, an extension of the whole subject of bitterness.)  We were encouraged to write down what we think our rights are.  We all have a lot of them.  Some of them are "right" and some of them probably aren't, but writing them down is kind of revealing; at least it was to me.  Once we've written them down, we don't just give them up.  We give them over...to God.  And while we're at it, he encouraged, why not give Him our possessions, as well. Might as well. Sometimes it's our possessions that we're holding onto tightly that causes us to get angry.  How many families have been divided by bitterness and anger over an inheritance or, a lot of times, a small "thing" that's not even worth much.  Give Him everything that's in your hand. He really owns everything and is in control of everything anyways. Like Moses when God asked him, "What's that in your hand?"  A rod.  Throw it down. (It turned into a venomous snake.)  Pick it up again. It never was an ordinary rod again. And Moses always thereafter referred to it as the rod of God.  When we give over everything to Him, He may give it back to us. But when we wait for Him to tell us when to pick it up again, then if He does, He will use it mightily as we can't even imagine.  When we give something to Him, now He has the primary responsibility, and we just have the secondary responsibility, for it. An example he gave was of a girl whose younger, but bigger sister, borrowed her clothes without asking, stretched them all out of shape, and then rolled them in a ball and stuffed them under the bed.  The older sister decided to give her clothes to the Lord.  God takes very good care of what is His.  As long as the clothes were no longer hers, she didn't have to worry about them, or get mad if they were mistreated.  It was God's responsibility.  And she was prepared to thank the Lord in either case. But the sister, for the first time, washed and ironed the blouse and put it away.
     I was immediately reminded of "my" house.  It really irritates me sometimes to have to pick up after others.  I think, "If everyone would just put their own things away, everything would be so much better--and I would have so much more time, and there would be so much more peace--wouldn't that be nice?  And then I could concentrate on just taking care of my own things, which I have a hard enough time doing."  Well, another story shared in the Seminar helped me to see something else God was trying to show me.  He shared that when he was growing up, he wanted a neat bedroom, but his brother didn't care, and would never make his bed.  This really irritated him, until one day God said to him, "Do you love your brother?"  To which he thought, "Sure, I love my brother." And God said, "Why don't you prove you love him and make his bed for him."   And he did--and while doing this act for his brother, God gave him a new love for his brother!  But he thought, what if I have to make his bed for the rest of my life, to which God said, "Aren't you planning to love your brother forever?"
     So, this is how that related to my house.  Let me explain to you something. Years ago I trained my children to clean the house--A Long Time Ago-- and they've been doing it ever since, every week--sometimes the schedule was different, but for a long time now it's been: Tuesdays are bathrooms, Thursdays and Fridays everything else, Dane dusts, cleans one bathroom and vacuums Everything, up and down, because we have a very heavy industrial vacuum; Kelsey does what we call "Glass Plussing" (everything that can't be cleaned with a wood cleaner) because that's what we used to use when they were little, and cleans 2 bathrooms, sweeps and washes the kitchen and entryway floors. They used to also take turns doing the dishes every night, Thoroughly cleaning up the kitchen. (Well, I help, of course, but they have responsibility for the large chunk of it)  Everything went along very smoothly after awhile, and I got very used to it, and I started to do other things and we started having lots and lots of large groups at our home, and many other things we were able to host, because I knew my house would be clean, and I could work on other things. Everyone knew their responsibilities, and did them. Well, Then, One day, All of a Sudden, my children grew up. And they got busy and my son works every day and... so it's not getting done routinely, the way it used to. And there's a temptation to get angry when things aren't done completely, or I'm counting on it getting done, and it doesn't, because things aren't getting done the way they should be (yes, there's that expectation with a capital "E"). It's not too bad if you're not expecting anything, but...And this is just what he was talking about in the Seminar--expectations not given to the Lord cause anger when not fulfilled! So... the Lord convicted me and I gave my house, and my right to have it cleaned by my children who still live in it, and my right to have a clean and orderly house in the first place, and every other "right" related to that house, to the Lord.
     I couldn't help but hear God saying to me, "Do you love your family?  Why don't you prove you love them and clean the house for them?"  I pictured myself keeping the house clean and creating a loving, orderly environment for them, and I pictured myself smiling.  God said to me, your attitude makes all the difference!  We need to stop "expecting" them to do things, and getting angry when they don't!  Instead, I we will be sweetly doing things for them, out of love in our hearts, and love towards God, and it will be an act of love, not a burden!  Also, giving the house to God, then whether "He keeps it clean" and repaired or not, that's His problem (I am not the primary one responsible:) and I'm prepared to thank Him either way, knowing He is the One in control, and has some purpose for me in allowing it if He doesn't--How freeing!!
     One other note on that was that it was pointed out that there's a difference and a balance needed between a "right" and a "responsibility":  Example: I have to give to the Lord my "right" to be honored by my children, but still fulfill my "responsibility" to train them to honor their father and mother.  When children are little, and they have responsibilities that they are "expected" to do, there needs to be a consequence for not doing them.  But anger from mom or dad is not the consequence!  James says, "The anger of man does not work the righteousness of God."  And that is very true.  We should "expect" first-time obedience from our children, and should have clearly spelled-out and understood consequences for disobedience (and have defined what "obedience" means) and then let the consequences do their work.  It is when we find ourselves repeating and nagging that we get angry!