What's A New Wife To Do? (Part 2)

Please return to read "What's A New Wife To Do? (Part 1)".

As Newlyweds, my husband and I had a lot of maturing, generally, to do.  But more than that, we had a lot of maturing in Christ to do.  We were not living as Spirit-filled, Spirit-led Christians.  We were being led by our flesh, and doing what our selfish desires told us.  We were living carnally, as Romans 8 says.

3 For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: 4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

We needed to die to self, and live to Christ.  Many couples come into marriage with a "max amount I'm going to compromise or give" figure in their hearts. I'll come this far, give this much, and no further.  They haven't consciously thought that, but it's there.  The way I know this is that we often hear the question, "Why do I always have to be the one to give in?"  When we find ourselves thinking, "I'm not giving in!  It's his/her turn!" the result is strife, resentment and bitterness. I had to learn to, figuratively, look up and beyond my husband, to Christ, and see that all the "giving in" and "giving up" and "serving" and "submitting" was done to, and for, Christ, though acted out to my husband.  I'm still learning this lesson, and probably will be until I die.

Can I ever serve, or submit to Christ too much?  No matter how much I "sacrifice", it's inconsequential to what Christ did for me! My attitude, not the act, is at the heart of the issue--do I do it willingly and lovingly, or do I do it resentfully, keeping track of every little "sacrifice"? Do I hang on to my "rights", and get angry, or do I surrender all to Christ and become meek like Him?  The attitude is the part I control, and am responsible for, though it still is the Spirit that works in me to do it, and God's Spirit in me is the "oil" that lubricates all the loving acts and attitudes to flow.  This isn't natural, this dying to self and surrendering to God.  It's supernatural! It's only possible if we, first, have given Jesus Christ our lives and control of them.  It's only possible if we surrender daily, and in everything, to His Lordship.  We need to get on our knees and ask for His grace and power to surrender.  "If He's not Lord of All, He's not Lord at All."


Some thoughts from Amy Carmichael's little book, "If--What do I Know of Calvary Love?"
If...

there be any reserve in my giving to Him
who so loved that He gave
His Dearest for me;
if there be a secret "but" in my prayer,
"Anything but that, Lord,"
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If...
something I am asked to do for
another feels burdensome;
if, yielding to an inward unwillingness,
I avoid doing it,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If...
I myself dominate myself,
if my thoughts revolve around myself,
if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have 'a heart at leisure from itself,'
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If...
the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold,
I do not shut the door,
and in the power of Him who
works in us to will and to do,
keep that door shut,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
If...
I cannot in honest happiness take the second place
(or the twentieth);
if I cannot take the first without
making a fuss about my unworthiness,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Do I cling to my selfishness, fearing what surrender would bring, when God has only bid me "Come," and will provide what I need once each new step of obedience is taken? What does my hesitancy say about my lack of love and trust of Him? 


We need to surrender to Him all our fears, all our selfish desires, all our rights, (this isn't about our spouse, it's about our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ), and let Him do a mighty work in us.  Our Lord who left His identity of Ruler, Master, Lord and King, and left always having perfect oneness and being in the Presence of His Father, God, to come to earth as a baby, is our example.  Our Lord, who in the Garden of Gethsemane, with heart-wrenching tears and sweating drops of blood, (after He had cried out to God three times, Please isn't there some other way!) said "Not My will, but Thine be done." We need to follow His example, Who in the hour of His deepest need, did the lowliest service to His undeserving, selfish, clueless disciples, by washing their stinky, dirty feet.  We need more love to Him.  We need more of Calvary Love.

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Appalling

     I feel angry, sad, sick.  I just watched a video on YouTube (click here ) of a speech given by the leader of our country to a group, the largest group, of those who believe sin is a right. He spoke to them in supportive words and tones, and would have us not only accept the enactment of sin, but he called for "admiration" of sin.

Violation of Scripture, deviant called normal, right called wrong, wrong called right. Appalling.

     I share this with you, ONLY because you must see and hear it for yourselves directly from him.

Romans 1:22-27, 32:
     "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.  Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves:

 Who changed the truth of God into a lie,

and worshiped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:  And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.
     Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."

The Principle of Ownership

     Ok, I'm going to be very vulnerable today.  I'm going to share things with you that aren't very flattering about myself, and I hate to admit them.  But, I think that by doing it, you might be freed from some burden you're carrying, and so, I think it's worth being a little vulnerable with you--worth taking the risk that you'll think I'm a terrible person.  We heard at the Seminar yesterday that when we get angry, it means that someone has just stepped on one of our "rights."  (This is, by the way, an extension of the whole subject of bitterness.)  We were encouraged to write down what we think our rights are.  We all have a lot of them.  Some of them are "right" and some of them probably aren't, but writing them down is kind of revealing; at least it was to me.  Once we've written them down, we don't just give them up.  We give them over...to God.  And while we're at it, he encouraged, why not give Him our possessions, as well. Might as well. Sometimes it's our possessions that we're holding onto tightly that causes us to get angry.  How many families have been divided by bitterness and anger over an inheritance or, a lot of times, a small "thing" that's not even worth much.  Give Him everything that's in your hand. He really owns everything and is in control of everything anyways. Like Moses when God asked him, "What's that in your hand?"  A rod.  Throw it down. (It turned into a venomous snake.)  Pick it up again. It never was an ordinary rod again. And Moses always thereafter referred to it as the rod of God.  When we give over everything to Him, He may give it back to us. But when we wait for Him to tell us when to pick it up again, then if He does, He will use it mightily as we can't even imagine.  When we give something to Him, now He has the primary responsibility, and we just have the secondary responsibility, for it. An example he gave was of a girl whose younger, but bigger sister, borrowed her clothes without asking, stretched them all out of shape, and then rolled them in a ball and stuffed them under the bed.  The older sister decided to give her clothes to the Lord.  God takes very good care of what is His.  As long as the clothes were no longer hers, she didn't have to worry about them, or get mad if they were mistreated.  It was God's responsibility.  And she was prepared to thank the Lord in either case. But the sister, for the first time, washed and ironed the blouse and put it away.
     I was immediately reminded of "my" house.  It really irritates me sometimes to have to pick up after others.  I think, "If everyone would just put their own things away, everything would be so much better--and I would have so much more time, and there would be so much more peace--wouldn't that be nice?  And then I could concentrate on just taking care of my own things, which I have a hard enough time doing."  Well, another story shared in the Seminar helped me to see something else God was trying to show me.  He shared that when he was growing up, he wanted a neat bedroom, but his brother didn't care, and would never make his bed.  This really irritated him, until one day God said to him, "Do you love your brother?"  To which he thought, "Sure, I love my brother." And God said, "Why don't you prove you love him and make his bed for him."   And he did--and while doing this act for his brother, God gave him a new love for his brother!  But he thought, what if I have to make his bed for the rest of my life, to which God said, "Aren't you planning to love your brother forever?"
     So, this is how that related to my house.  Let me explain to you something. Years ago I trained my children to clean the house--A Long Time Ago-- and they've been doing it ever since, every week--sometimes the schedule was different, but for a long time now it's been: Tuesdays are bathrooms, Thursdays and Fridays everything else, Dane dusts, cleans one bathroom and vacuums Everything, up and down, because we have a very heavy industrial vacuum; Kelsey does what we call "Glass Plussing" (everything that can't be cleaned with a wood cleaner) because that's what we used to use when they were little, and cleans 2 bathrooms, sweeps and washes the kitchen and entryway floors. They used to also take turns doing the dishes every night, Thoroughly cleaning up the kitchen. (Well, I help, of course, but they have responsibility for the large chunk of it)  Everything went along very smoothly after awhile, and I got very used to it, and I started to do other things and we started having lots and lots of large groups at our home, and many other things we were able to host, because I knew my house would be clean, and I could work on other things. Everyone knew their responsibilities, and did them. Well, Then, One day, All of a Sudden, my children grew up. And they got busy and my son works every day and... so it's not getting done routinely, the way it used to. And there's a temptation to get angry when things aren't done completely, or I'm counting on it getting done, and it doesn't, because things aren't getting done the way they should be (yes, there's that expectation with a capital "E"). It's not too bad if you're not expecting anything, but...And this is just what he was talking about in the Seminar--expectations not given to the Lord cause anger when not fulfilled! So... the Lord convicted me and I gave my house, and my right to have it cleaned by my children who still live in it, and my right to have a clean and orderly house in the first place, and every other "right" related to that house, to the Lord.
     I couldn't help but hear God saying to me, "Do you love your family?  Why don't you prove you love them and clean the house for them?"  I pictured myself keeping the house clean and creating a loving, orderly environment for them, and I pictured myself smiling.  God said to me, your attitude makes all the difference!  We need to stop "expecting" them to do things, and getting angry when they don't!  Instead, I we will be sweetly doing things for them, out of love in our hearts, and love towards God, and it will be an act of love, not a burden!  Also, giving the house to God, then whether "He keeps it clean" and repaired or not, that's His problem (I am not the primary one responsible:) and I'm prepared to thank Him either way, knowing He is the One in control, and has some purpose for me in allowing it if He doesn't--How freeing!!
     One other note on that was that it was pointed out that there's a difference and a balance needed between a "right" and a "responsibility":  Example: I have to give to the Lord my "right" to be honored by my children, but still fulfill my "responsibility" to train them to honor their father and mother.  When children are little, and they have responsibilities that they are "expected" to do, there needs to be a consequence for not doing them.  But anger from mom or dad is not the consequence!  James says, "The anger of man does not work the righteousness of God."  And that is very true.  We should "expect" first-time obedience from our children, and should have clearly spelled-out and understood consequences for disobedience (and have defined what "obedience" means) and then let the consequences do their work.  It is when we find ourselves repeating and nagging that we get angry!